Find Yourself
by magpops
Summary: Find your self is a one direction fanfic about talented kids who go to a special school. The main charter is Lily. She and her friends Lucy, Tyra, Josie, Darcy and Niall, as well as Niall's friends, live and learn together. Here at Pinewood you must Find yourself!
1. Chapter 1

Some people are born gifted, others learn over time. Some people are good at sports, others at art. Whatever it is everyone has a talent, their gift. At least that's what they teach us here, at The Pinewood school for gifted children. Boarding school for the gifted. For some its home, and for others its a prison. Sometimes I feel like its both. I've been going there since I was old enough to go. Which is 11 years old. I'm 16 now, a little more than half way done. We all go here til we're 25. Years of living with other "gifted" kids. Only about half of them are actually gifted. The other half are the kids of rich people who want their kids to be special. Pinewood is located in the USA, but we have kids for all over. Most of the U. K. kids were nice. Not to mention how HOT the boys are. I'm from California, but I rarely get to go there. Mom and Dad shipped me off to boarding school the second they could. They are both mega CEOs running big companies all over the world. They had no time for a teenage daughter, so bye bye Lily. Hello Pinewood. This was one of those rare trips home. I was now returning to Pinewood after spending a week home. My parents ignored me, so I didn't mind it was such a short visit. Pinewood is were my real family is. I threw my headphones on and put on my favorite music, Pop. My parents hate it but I love it! I just kick up my feet in my limo and proceed to blow my eardrums.

"Hey Josie!" I say slamming my suit case down on my bed. We each have our own rooms but they connect to a bathroom, which is connected to 4 bed rooms. I was best friends with all my roommates. Josie is was in the bathroom so I saw her first. "LIL!" a voice screams as I get a big hug. "Missed you too, Darcy." I didn't even have to turn around to know it was her. Plus her read curls were in my face. "HEY Ty, Lily is back!" Darcy screams in her general direction. Tyra peeks her head into the room. She had her painting smock on so she was working on a new project. Remember when I said the the kids here are gifted? Well here we pick a major talent and a minor talent. Josie majors in dance and minors in art and singing. Ty majors in art, even though she thinks shes a bad artist, and minors in writing. Darcy majors in musical instruments and minors in singing. I major in Singing/music and minor in dance. Talented group of girls right? I'm just not sure I'm all that great at what I do. I talk to my friends for a while and run off to find my friend Niall.

"HEY Niall!" I say walking into his room. "hey your back today!" he says with his face stuffed full of some food. Niall is a singer, expect he's in a band with his friends, while I'm a solo artist. He's Irish and is really fun to be around. We met years before when we were both taking mandatory art classes and have been friends ever since. "I just stopped bye to say Hi, but I have to go see you later." I say. As I turn to go out of the corner of my eye I see all his friends siting around his room. Harry, Liam, Louis and Zayn, who are all English. I stayed behind the closed door for a second, just to ease drop. "You have to ask her out some time!" one of them shouted. Oh my god I hoped Niall didn't like me! Ty blushes every time he walks by, so that would be awkward. No my relive its not Niall who replies. "I know, but she has a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend." I run from the door as fast as I can. Zayn had been the one who had answered. He was right I did have a boyfriend. But secretly I have had a crush on Zayn since I was 12 years old.


	2. Chapter 2

"welcome back! I would just like to announce that this year you will be in the recording studio." Ms. Powell tells the the group of singers. Finally! Working in the studio meant we were making demos! It wad the first day of classes in the fall and all the singers were grouped together. I was siting with my friend Claire and her group of singers. I saw Niall siting with his friends on the other side of the room. I'm a solo artist so I don't have many singer friends. Most other singers look at me as competition. I was lucky Claire and Niall don't. I prefer artists and dancers to singers. We are generally grouped by our main talent. Own minor talent is more of just a hobby. "time to check your reflexes! I trust you've kept up with your practicing over the summer." Ms. Powell says. Crap I hate reflex drills. It basically meant we had to sing the first song that came into our head. I didn't wanna sing in front of all the singers. Most of them had never heard me sing. Even Niall hasn't. You don't pick your talent. Your sorted into the group you best fit. The singers are the smallest group. Few had the "gift" of singing. They sort you when your about 12 or 13. They watch you for the first 2 years to see what your good at. Apparently I'm a singer. Ty is a talented artist so no surprise for her. Josie loves to dance, so it was natural for her to be a dancer. Darcy was shocked by her sortment, just as I was shocked about mine. "Lily!" oh crap she just had to pick me. I walked up to the front. Nobody was really paying an attention, so maybe no one would hear me sing. I though of a song and began to sing. "When she was just a girl, she expected the world. But it flew away from her reach, so she ran in her sleep." everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me eyes full of shock. Was I that bad? I kept singing. "and dreamed of para para paradise, every time she closed her eyes." I sing the entire song. By the end every one was still staring. Niall starts clapping and everyone else joins in. Some people shout and whistle. I blush and sit back down. So they liked it. Everyone must have thought I was one of the rich kids who bought their way into Pinewood. But now they thought I had talent. People still hadn't stopped staring. I stared at the floor, and tried not to draw more attention to my self.

"Lil, your amazing!" Niall says racing to catch up to me as I leave the class. The rest of the class had been uneventful. "No I'm not, your just being nice." I say walking on still. He keeps up with me. I was heading back to my room to change for my next class and he had time to come too. "I'm being honest! Even the lads thought so! They were so shocked! Tiny girl with a beautiful voice!" he continues. I just roll my eyes at him. We enter my room and he sits on my bed still talking about my voice as I look around for my clothes. "TY! Have you seen my shoes?" I call. I knew she was there cuz she has a free period now. "under your bed" she calls back. She is more organized than I am. "can I borrow your hair band?" I ask her. "sure" she says walking into the room. "oh Niall.. Um hi" she starts getting pink. She has a huge crush on Niall. "hey! Did you know she can sing?" Niall asks still amazed. "yeah. You should hear her in the shower." I change quickly. "you helping me redo my room tonight right?" I ask Ty We are allowed to paint and design our rooms how ever we want. We live here for like 14 years, so it makes since that we do what we want with our rooms. She nods and I'm out the door. I take hip hop and I love it. "bye Niall" I say walking into the dance studio. I get into my spot and start stretching. "hello girls" my teacher says. She's young and isn't very strict. We are a group of people who minor in dance so she doesn't have to be. "since it's the first day back, I'm giving you a free day. Listen to your own music and make up your own routine to it. Just have fun with it." she's so awesome sometimes. We all put own head phones on and start doing our own thing. I made up a very fun routine to tik tok by ke$ha. After an hour of dancing, she dismissed us. I had a free period before lunch. I to the opportunity to take a shower. I was all sweaty from dancing so a cool shower felt good. "I'm bullet prove, fire away fire away, you shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium!" I sing. I get out and get dressed. I have 15 mins before lunch, so I start planing what I want to do with my room. Soon I head off to lunch.

So at Pinewood we eat real, good and healthy food. I sit down with my plate next to Josie Darcy and Ty are siting across from us. "hey hows you first day going?" I ask. "good" they all say. "I had to sing in front of everybody today. And I mean everybody. Every one kept staring! I don't know why." I confined in my friends. Darcy drops her fork and Josie starts to choke on her food. "You're kidding me right!" Josie says through coughs. "you have a voice that's why they were staring!" Darcy adds. Flatters. I jump at the sudden noise of a plate being put down next to me. I love over to see that Niall and his friends had decided to sit with us. They had never done that before. Darcy knew Liam a little and Ty knew Zayn because they take the same art class. Still we barley knew them. I'm friends with Niall but I don't know the rest of them. All of us girls felt a little awkward. We all ate in silence. "well see you guys" I tell my friends leaving to get to art class.

I take a abstract art class for fun. I'm pretty bad at drawing things, but I love drawing random shapes and lines. Abstract has to point or purpose and that's why I love it. Today we were draw geometric shapes. I filled the entire paper in shapes and then I colored them in colored pencil. I finished it right before it was time to go. I liked it a lot. It had lots of warm colors on one part of the page, cool on the other and in the middle I had shapes that were half warm half cool. As I was walking out I bumped into zayn. "whoops sorry" I say walking away. "it's ok" he says with this smile on his face. I run off to meet my private vocal coach. We meet every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Today we were working on picking what I would sing when I got into the studio. We started working with a song I loved. He almost never has to correct me, so he's more here to give me guidance. After we work for about an hour he lets me in on a little secret. "You're no supposed to know yet but soon they are having a competition All talents are welcome. All singers are required to participate But you can have a group with non singing majors." that was great to know. Steve is so helpful. He's one of my favorite instructors at Pinewood. "oh and I got an extra pizza. Do you want it?" Pizza was not something we got often. "of course! Thank you so much" I say as he gives me a huge pizza. It was time for dinner soon. I took the pizza to my room and texted Josie, Darcy, Ty and Niall "i got a huge pizza! Don't ask how but wanna eat it for dinner?" I write. "yum!" Darcy replies first. "yes!" Ty replies. "k" Josie writes. "Duh! It's a pizza!" Niall replies. He loves food. Soon we are all siting around the box on the floor. Eating and laughing about our first day back in classes. Pinewood is open year round, but we only take important classes from august to may. The summer is mainly free time, because about half of us go home. Josie and I always stay year round. Our parents shipped us off and never visited.

We ate half the pizza. "take the rest to your friends" I told Niall and that's what he did. The second he left the girl gossip started. "Lunch was awkward! I mean they randomly sit with us!" Darcy says. "i bumped into Zayn and he couldn't stop smiling!" I say blushing. "oh so that's why he was smiling all class" Ty says. "plus he started drawing this girl but it has no face or hair yet." she adds with a smirk. "but Ty he has a girlfriend! I doubt he likes Lil." Darcy says. "well something kinda happened..." I say quietly. "WHAT?" they all jump on me like cats. "well I was kind ease dropping yesterday and I heard something about Zayn wanting to ask me out but he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend, even though he never talks to me." I confide in them. My boyfriend Josh never talks to me anymore. I really want to end it but I can never get the courage to do it. So I was forever trapped.


	3. Chapter 3

"Get up! We are gonna be late!" Ty yells. I'm on my feet in a few seconds. We had been working on my room all night and had fallen asleep. Ty always thinks we will be late. But we never are! I see a piece of paper on the floor, it must have been slipped in under the door. It was a sealed envelope. It had the words "for Tyra, Lily, Josie and Darcy." I open it to find its an invitation. YES! Party time! Our friend Lucy was throwing an exclusive party. So parties are banned at Pinewood. But every year Lucy threw an awesome ones. Everyone wanted to go to one but only about 30 people ever get invited. She invites her friends and the super cool people. Lucy is a drama. That's what we call the actors, at Pinewood. Lucy is carefree and loves fun. She's kinda like a female version of Niall The invite said the party is on Friday night. I put it down on my desk and run get dresses. Dark skinny jeans and an off the shoulder shirt with a tank top under neath, made up my outfit. I tossed on a pair of converse to complete the outfit. I felt like dressing lazily today. Tuesday just isn't my thing. It's to normal. I like every other day, because they have purpose. I'm ready before all the others so I walk to breakfast by myself. I see Lucy walking out of her room. "hey! I haven't seen you in like a month!" I say giving her a hug. She goes home for part of the summer so I hadn't seen her in a while. I had missed her. She brings lots of fun into our lives. She's friends with Darcy too but is only acquaintances with Josie and Ty "have you heard the latest gossip? So from what I heard one of the shy singer girls sang yesterday and has the voice of an angel!" she tells me. The more info she tells, the more I realize it's me. "Lucy the girl is me." I tell her as we grab our food. "oh! That makes since." she exclaims. I chuckle a little. I'm a source of gossip now am I? I'm kinda shy until you get to know me. Then I'm crazy, fun, and loud. We sit down at a table and wait for the others. "I'm thinking about inviting Zayn, Harry, Niall, Liam and Louis" she tells me. We have to be careful. Some of the snotty brats will snitch in order to be praised. A lot of people used to think I was a snitch. But they soon learned my lips were a one way street. I have never once told a secret to anyone who wasn't supposed to know. I'm a trust worthy person. Soon Josie sat down with us. We sneakily told her about the party. She looked excited All of us love a party. "i have to go!" I say looking at my phone. On Tuesdays I have math in the morning. Math is my one of my favorite subjects. I'm pretty good at it. I walk alone to my math class. I was almost there when I was cornered. A group of older singer boys, called the wanted had cornered me. Nathan is love with me and he's convinced I'm in love with him. I try to avoid him, but he and his 4 other friends blocked my way. "so lily, how was your summer, babe?" he asks. "leave me alone and don't call me that!" I says try to get through. "don't be like that" Nathan says trying to touch my face. "Oi! Leave her alone!" thank god someone to rescue me! It was Niall "you should mind your own business!" max, the muscular one said. "and you should get lost!" Niall fights back. "make us! Last time I check their were 5 of us and one of you." the curly haired Jay says. "not if we help." harry says walking around the corner with all the other boys in tow. This was awkward. Here I was pined up against a wall, with the boys fighting over me. The Wanted hate Niall and his friends. They stared into each others eyes. They wouldn't fight they were to evenly matched. They even each had one Irish guy in their group. Niall and jay. Finally Nathan mutters something to his friends and they release me and walk off. "You ok?" zayn asks. "fine" I say and I take off. I didn't wanna stay near the situation any longer than I had to. I sat down in my math class, but found that for the entire class my mind wasn't on math. It was on a boy. Not even the boy my mind should be on. Not my boyfriend. Nor my friend or my harasser. It was on Zayn. The one boy I knew I couldn't have.

It was lunchtime already! The entire mourning was a blur. Before I knew it I was siting with Ty eating turkey meatloaf. "lily, zayn asked me a weird question in art." Ty tells me with her mouth full of food. She was as bad as Niall "what did he ask" I say not really caring. "he asked me how your relationship with Josh is." I dropped my fork. That knocked my head out of the clouds. I dropped back down to earth quickly. "i told him the truth. That Josh is kinda a jerk." that was an understatement. Josh isn't a loyal. I knew it and it still hurts me. I caught him cheating last year and he promised it would never happen again. I believed him. I knew he still cheats. I just can't admit it. Yep I'm messed up for staying with a jerk. Since my parents had shipped me off, I was desperate to fit in, to be loved. But Josh doesn't care about me. I don't know why I stay with him. Maybe it's because I think if I give him a little more time he'll change. So far he hasn't. Everyone says I deserve better. But I keep thinking he loves me. I knew deep down that he didn't love me and also that I really don't love him.

"breathing you in when I want you out." I was remixing the song spectrum, for my music class. I was loving the sound. It was my free period and I was laying on the ground with my laptop outside. I suddenly saw Niall running towards me with an object in his hands. Before I could object he sticks a CD into my computer. "just listen to it." he says siting back. It pops up music. It's one song called "what makes you beautiful" by one direction. I listen to it. "you're insecure don't know what for" I listen to the whole song and by the end I'm singing along. It was so catchy. "You don't know your beautiful!" I sing. "Niall that's amazing who sings that?" I ask. "me, us! we named our self one direction! It's our first song we wrote it!" he told me beaming with pride. I copy the song onto my computer. I was so beautiful. "Its so good!" I tell him. They all had great voices. They sounded great together. It was funny. When we were younger Niall had wanted to be a solo artist. But he was grouped instead and loved it. I had never heard them sing all together. One Direction. I liked it. I think they are headed for fame beyond their wildest dreams. That's what almost every one here at Pinewood wants. Fame. But few people were talented enough. These boys were.


	4. Chapter 4

"then we bend" Josie instructs. "and then we spin" I add. Josie and I do this thing were we make up a dance using her kind of dance moves and my moves. Mine are modern and fast, her's are classic and graceful Two opposite kinds of dance put together! It looks great when we're all done planing. I'm not as good of a dancer as Josie, but I love dancing. We almost had it down. We put on headphones and listened to the song, as we danced our own way. We both had the music really loud and we were very focused dancing, so we didn't notice that we had an audience. We did notice when we finished and they all started clapping. I jumped really high, because they scared me. Niall fell on the floor laughing. "Not funny! You scared me!" I say making a not very pretty face. "and I'm not all that great." I say. "wanna see us try?" Harry asks. None of them are dancers so this was gonna be interesting. The boys stand up. I press play on my phone. They flail around like dying fish. It was to painful to watch. "you can't dance, AT ALL!" Josie says covering her eyes. "Exactly! We suck." Liam says. "You need to flow more. Your movements are too sharp." Josie proceeds to teach them all to dance. She makes me help. "Lily help Zayn!" she says giving up on him. Sometimes Josie has no patience. He makes a lot of little mistakes. "first of all, your arm needs to be more like this." I say showing him with my arm. He still doesn't do it right. I put my hands on his arms and move them into the right place. "Like this." I say. He smiles. "then when you move you have to flow. It helps if you do it slowly first then speed it up." I explain.

We work until all the boys and Ty had mastered the dance. I worked one on one with Zayn because he needed help. To tell you the truth he didn't need the help. He was purposely not doing it right, so that I would show him or correct him. Over the course of the lesson we all got to know each other. Louis is very funny. Harry is a major flirt. Liam is responsible and kinda nerdy. They had improved their dance skills by a lot. We were now siting around talking. I happen to see the time on the clock on my desk. It was 11! Crap! At 11 all boys must be out of girls under 18's rooms. If we got caught we were gonna be in huge trouble. In the halls there are cameras and patrolling teachers. It was to risky for the boys to leave. The boys realized this too. "Sleep in here. I'll go sleep with Ty." I say getting up to grab some pjs. Niall tried to protest but I stopped him. "I'll be fine. It's not worth risking getting caught. Goodnight." I say waking into the bathroom with Josie and Ty shutting the door behind us. We walk into Ty's room, which happens to be the furthest away from mine. "Hey guys!" Darcy says walking into the bathroom. She was on a date with her boyfriend, Brian. "hey you miss the dance lesson with Niall and the other boys." Josie says. "Zayn needed some extra help. He did everything wrong!" I exclaim. "he did that on purpose. He smiles every time you touched him." Josie says. Awkward! "He doesn't like me!" I say a bit too loud. "lets wake up the entire school!" Josie says. We all laugh. We gossip for a while then we head to bed. We had bonded with the guys and learned new dance moves.


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the week went by pretty fast. The boys hung around us every night and had begun to eat almost every meal with us. They were actually pretty cool. It was 6 am in the morning on Friday. I don't know why I'm up so early. Breakfast isn't til 8. Last night we were teaching the boys, Darcy, Lucy and Ty, party dance moves. Again they aren't the best dancers. Liam couldn't follow instructions. Niall wouldn't stop talking and Zayn just wasn't giving it full effort. But finally they got the dance down. The funniest part is that it was one that I had learned when I was 14. Anyways, here I was laying in my bed, early in the morning, wide awake. I was so excited for the party tonight I guess I just couldn't sleep. I decided just to get up. I grabbed my laptop. I was gonna record myself singing She wolf. Which is my favorite song. watch?v=Kc7o6SNu7Tk I had my first section in the studio today so practice makes perfect. After I finished I got dressed. I threw on a superman tank top, a pair of shorts, a varsity jacket and my favorite converse. To finish it off, I put on the bracelet Niall got me when he was in London. lilys_first_day_recording/set?id=64563548 I looked really good. I was ready for a good day of recording. I headed down to breakfast at 7:50. I took one look at my food and no longer felt hungry. I was just about to get up and not eat, when Josie showed up. "No your gonna eat. Its a big day for you today." she says looking at me. I felt like I was gonna be sick. "but I'm gonna be sick, and I'm not hungry." "EAT! You'll feel better." she says gesturing to my food. I was so nervous I was starting to shake. I don't get nervous. Not often. But this time I was freaked. "Someone's nervous." a voice from behind me comments. "fine I'll eat, but if I puke its your fault!" I grumble as I nibble on my toast. We boys try their best to show that its not a big deal. I feel better but still anxious.

"ok lily when you hear music start singing." Steve directs me through my headphones. I was ready. I took a breath and started to sing. [song here its called find yourself lol. No pun intended. /xtT7BOtymsU ]  
Drawn into the backdrop here  
You could fade, you could fade away  
Bright lights on a starless night  
Burn a hole in the dying day  
Looking at life through a loaded gun  
Take your best shot, aim it at the sun  
Looking at life through a loaded gun  
You know you'll find…  
You'll find yourself, you'll find yourself alone (x3)  
You'll find yourself, you'll find yourself…  
Drawn into the darkness here  
With your eyes on the prize at stake  
Same hearts on an endless path  
Letting go of the ones we break  
Looking at life through a loaded gun  
Take your best shot, aim it at the sun  
Looking at life through a loaded gun  
You know you'll find…  
You'll find yourself, you'll find yourself alone (x3)  
You'll find yourself, you'll find yourself…

"Excellent! Good job!" Steve says with a smile. I'm beaming with pride. I had so much fun recording that. I was blushing and smiling like a little girl. I walk out of the studio to hear my recording. I sounded great. Steve gave me a copy of it and sent me on my way. It was my last period of the day so I ran strait to my room. I called all of the girls in my room and put on the song. We danced all over the room to the song. "its great! Make me a copy so I can give it to the dj tonight." Lucy says. "THE PARTY! We have to get ready." I exclaim. I give her a copy and we all run off to get ready.

Were all dressed and ready within an hour. We were now showing off our dresses. Mine and Josie's are blue. Darcy and Ty's were black and red. Lucy stood out in purple. cgi/collection?id=2082750 the party was in a secret location on campus. In order to throw one of these parties one must have connections. We had our ways. With these connections, we were allowed to get our hands on some alcohol. It's a teen party! Whats wrong with a little drinking. All of us drink, except Ty. Shes a good girl. Josie drinks very little. Darcy, Lucy and I drink a good bit. We all headed to the location to make sure everything was going smoothly.

They party was just starting. People were arriving. I heard Niall enter the room. I turn to see all the boys with 2 girls. One I recognized as Eleanor, Louis's girlfriend, the other I knew the face but not the name. "Hey guys!" Niall says moving the group over too us. The blonde girl next to zayn, took one look at me a rolled her eyes. Oh girl its on. She then whispered something to Zayn with a smirk. Zayn looks at her offended. "Perrie, Eleanor, these are Lucy, Lily, Josie and Ty" Zayn introduces us. Perrie. oh. That's his girlfriend. I tried not to show my sudden sadness. We all split up and when to mingle. I stuck with Darcy as we waited for our boyfriends. To my surprise, Niall hung out with Lucy. From a distance I observed Zayn and Perrie arguing. After a few minutes she left the party. Liam was making Josie blush. Darcy and I were still siting around causally sipping our drink. Some boyfriends we had! I got lost in my thoughts and didn't even notice the boys start to preform.

(C'mon, C'mon)

[Zayn:]  
The one that I came with, she had to go  
But you look amazing,  
Standing alone

[Liam:]  
So c'mon, c'mon

Move a little closer now,

[Liam:]  
C'mon, c'mon,

[Louis:]  
Ain't no way you're walkin' out

[Liam:]  
C'mon, c'mon,

[Harry:]  
Show me what you're all about,

[All:]  
Yeah,  
I've been watching you all night,  
There's somethin' in your eyes,  
Saying, "C'mon, c'mon,  
And dance with me baby"  
Yeah,  
The music is so loud,  
I wanna be yours now,  
So c'mon, c'mon,  
And dance with me baby

[Niall:]  
The one that I came with,  
Didn't know how to move,  
The way that you let your hair down,  
I can tell that you do

[Liam:]  
So c'mon, c'mon

Move a little closer now,

[Liam:]  
C'mon, c'mon,

[Louis:]  
Ain't no way you're walkin' out

[Liam:]  
C'mon, c'mon,

[Harry:]  
Show me what you're all about,

[All:]  
Yeah,  
I've been watching you all night,  
There's somethin' in your eyes,  
Saying, "C'mon, c'mon,  
And dance with me baby"  
Yeah,  
The music is so loud,  
I wanna be yours now,  
So c'mon, c'mon,  
And dance with me baby

[Harry:]  
Every step I take,  
I'm feelin' more and more,  
She's callin' out,  
She's a lucky girl  
My heart is racin',  
She's turnin' around,  
I reach for her hand,  
And I say

[Zayn:]  
Hey,  
I've been watching you all night,

[All:]  
There's somethin' in your eyes,  
Saying, "C'mon, c'mon,  
And dance with me baby"  
Yeah,  
The music is so loud,  
I wanna be yours now,  
So c'mon, c'mon,  
And dance with me baby

Oooh,

C'mon, c'mon

Oooh,

C'mon, c'mon

Oooh,

C'mon, c'mon  
And dance with me baby.

Everyone in love with the music. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but every time they sang you, a certain person pointed at me. I felt so confused. Next my song came on. All eyes were on me. As I scanned the crowd for a familiar face. I saw a pair kissing. Lucy and Niall. I knew she liked him. I also saw Ty she had tears in her eyes. I saw her run away from the party. Poor Ty. "Dance with me?" zayn asked. I was shocked. My face must have showed it. "Your my teacher! Help me." I agreed cuz I had nothing else to do. One dance wouldn't hurt. Well that one dance turned into the rest of the night dancing. When the party was over and I was back in my room. I felt so much confusion as I lay in my bed. I finally got to sleep thinking, why?


	6. Chapter 6

Oh my, what a marvelous tune It was the best night, never would forget how we moved. The whole place was dressed to the nines, And we were dancing, dancing Like we're made of starlight" I always slept with my headphones on, so I wasn't surprised when I awoke to music. The particular song was what shocked me. It was reminder to what had happened the night before. I was so confused. He seemed to like me, yet he still was with his girlfriend. Plus I am supposed to be in love with josh. Yet I wasn't. I told everyone I was over my crush when I started dating Josh. Yet I never had. I needed to talk to someone, anyone I could trust. My mind went to Ty first. I have know her since I was very young. We went to the same preschool. We came here together. I got up and walked over to her door. I heard faint crying. I remembered the night before. Niall. Oh poor Ty. "ty let me in" I say knocking on the door. "go away." "ty it's just me let me in" I say not giving up. I heard the click of the door being unlocked. As the door opens I see a tear stained face. I walk in and climb into her bed. She locks the door and lays down next to me. "how are you doing?" I ask. She starts to cry again. I give her a big hug and start to confess. "to tell you the truth I still really really like Zayn. I always have. I lied to you all, I lied to myself." now I was crying, too. "and he's still in love with his girlfriend. It's like he doesn't know. Maybe he's not realizing he's leading me on." Ty was listening. She opened her mouth to say something but shut it. "I'm so sorry about Niall." I tell her. My phone buzzes. "wanna get some food? Fyi I'm dating Lucy. Hope your not jealous ;) " Niall said. "I'm busy. And no I don't like you. Not like that. You're like a brother to me." I text back. I wanted to tell him that I was to busy fixing his mistake. He broke my little Ty's heart. But Niall is my brother I can't hate him. "Ty you know you cant hide from him forever. He's always gonna be around. He's like my brother." I tell her. She looks still very sad but nods. "I know. Zayn's like a brother to me. I couldn't hate him either." she confesses. "So we like each others brothers. That's kinda awkward." she laughs. A great sign. "its helps that we aren't actually related." she say. We spend a while talking, she was hurt, but I knew I could get my Ty back.

"Hey Ty! WOAH! um." Zayn had somehow gotten into the room. I pull the blankets up to my chin. I was still in my pajamas. Which happened to be incredibly short shorts and a shirt that barley covered my ribs. "um whats up with the black Ty?" he asks notices she was dresses like a Gothic girl. I felt really awkward. "um I'm gonna go." I say getting up. I walked out of the room. I acted like a didn't notice him staring. AWKWARD! I mean my shorts were so short they cover almost none of my legs. I locked myself back in my room. I practiced some dance moves and did a little bit of singing. I tried to focus on something else. But I couldn't get my mind off Ty or Zayn. What a messed up world I'm in! Suddenly my phone buzzed. I got a message from an unknown number. "I really like you. Meet me under the oak tree on Wednesday. don't tell anyone" who was it from? I had a feeling I should do it. I kinda wanted to give Josh a taste of his own medicine. I would meet this secret admirer. "ok" I replied.


	7. Chapter 7

"What is wrong with you?" Darcy asks as she watches me get ready for the day. Ok maybe I was twirling around the room like a love struck chicken. "why are you dressed so fancy?" Josie asks. It was Wednesday morning and I was thrilled. "No reason is it a crime to dress up because I feel like it?" I ask. I had told no one about the secret meeting. I was going to the oak tree at noon. I was wearing a blue dress. lilys_mystery_date/set?id=64823992 I was so excited. I haven't been so happy since before Josh. The morning flew by soon it was lunch time. I got butterflies in my stomach as I told my friends, I would see them later. I took a deep breath as I opened the door.

In my head I heard a song start to play. [Play this song in a different window as you read the next part. watch?v=Ui0vgzt74Vk ] I slowly walked over to tree on the other side of the building. It was a private place, so no one would find us. I was nervous. Who was he? What if he's ugly, evil or a murder? I have to force myself to keep walking. Maybe this wasn't a great idea, I mean I have a boyfriend. Before I knew it I was there. I saw a figure, facing the other direction,standing under the tree. I glance up at the sky, as if I'm looking for a sign. I take another deep breath and walk forward. "You came!" No. It was Zayn. He actual did like me. I was shocked. But I also kinda wasn't. Before I knew it we were kissing. I don't remember who made the first move. It just happened. It felt so wrong, but so right. I was with Josh and he was still with Perrie. We spent the entire lunch period together. Laughing, talking, and just being together. Before we split up, for some reason, I agreed to meet him again tonight. I'm so stupid. This was gonna end so badly. Affairs always do. But I couldn't tell him no. I ran off to the studio. I had another day of recording.

"Sorry I'm Late Steve" I say running into the room. I have never been late before. "It's ok Lily, just don't let it happen again" he says as we start. I get into and prepare for my next song. It was a cover of imagine dragons radio active. "and go!" Steve instructs.

I'm waking up to ash and dust  
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust  
I'm breathing in the chemicals  
I'm breaking in, shaping up, checking out on the prison bus  
This is it, the apocalypse  
Whoa

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones  
Enough to make my system blow  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive

I raise my flags, don my clothes  
It's a revolution, I suppose  
We'll paint it red to fit right in  
Whoa  
I'm breaking in, shaping up, checking out on the prison bus  
This is it, the apocalypse  
Whoa

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones  
Enough to make my system blow  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive

All systems go, sun hasn't died  
Deep in my bones, straight from inside

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones  
Enough to make my system blow  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive

I could believe I was gonna do this. It was gonna work for us. No one could know. Not even Niall or Ty. I tell myself as I unlock my door. "Who is he?" I'm shocked. I quickly try to play dumb. "I don't know what your talking about." I say. "I'm not stupid, you dressed up nice and didn't go to lunch. You're seeing someone. I'm not gonna drop it! who is he?" Ty demands. Dang I missed the old Ty. "Oh, you kinda already know." I say trying to be Innocent. "ZAYN! He has a girlfriend, this is crazy!" "Ty please" I plead with her. She grabs her phone and calls someone. "Get over here NOW!" goth Ty, gets down to the point. "Ty you can't tell anyone! We will be ruined. Socially and career wise." I was begging now. Zayn walks in. "What do you need Ty?" he asks. "I need to know why you two are so stupid." Ty was flipping out now. Ok maybe we were idiots. But idiots in love? Ty stopped yelling when she looked directly in my eyes. People say my eyes are a window into my soul. "oh" she gasps as she sees what lies inside me. "fine, but I still think its a terrible idea." I was so relived. Nobody else could know. "thank you" I say hugging her.


	8. Chapter 8

"Ok singers, this is it. You all have recorded at least one single. Tonight is the concert. You each have to preform one of your singles and you must collaborate with another artist of group." Ms. Powell instructs a select group of singers. "But I will assign you someone to work with." I hear groans in the crowd. "you have the entire rest of the day, as this is 1st period, to work. You are excused from all classes." YES! A whole day to sing! "Little mix will work with the Wanted." HAHA! Take that Perrie! "One Direction will work with Lily Porter" YES! Nothing could wipe the grin off my face. "Don't forget to get dancers! Now have fun" Ms. Powell said after she assigned all of us. I was just about to go when I was called over by the instructor. "I want yo to open for the show as well as preform. Can you manage an extra song?" this was a HUGE honor! "YES! Thank you so much!" I say then I run off to find the guys.

"Josie get a group of dancers together, Ty you can go paint a sad painting or something. Kidding! You and Darcy will help with dancing." I instruct. Darcy had Broken up with her boyfriend recently and has taken quite an interest in Harry. So she would be thrilled to help out. It had been 3 days since Wednesday. 3 days of secrecy. 3 days of love. The best 3 days of my life. As well as the worst. Ty gave me crap about in when ever she could. After every one had left to do their job. I got a text from Zayn "Oak tree?" I smiled. I fluff my hair in the mirror "Here you go again! Lily you have to stop this." Ty just doesn't understand. "What the do you know about love? All you have done for the last week is be freaking goth! I suffered through 8 months were the pain never stopped. New heartbreak every day. So your crush has a girlfriend! My boyfriend has 3 other girlfriends! I have a chance to be happy! What the hell is you problem?" I scream. I didn't mean to scream at her but my temper exploded. At first she looks hurt. Then she changes to emotionless. "I won't be there to comfort you when everything goes wrong" Ty says. I just walk out slamming the door behind me. In the hallway I run into the last person I wanna see. Josh. He tries to kiss me. "leave me alone you pig!" I say pushing him away. WHACK! Dang it I forgot he had a temper. He had slapped me. I just ran away.

"who did that to you?" zayn demands looking at the red mark on my face. "Josh" I say in a tiny voice. "no guy hits a girl. He's a monster" he says giving me a hug. Even though our relationship was a secret, we had our little ways of being together. At meals zayn sat next to me, so we could hold hands under the table and just be close to each other. We spent our free period, which matched up on certain days, here at the oak tree. Every night I "tutored" him. No one could know about us. If Perrie found out she would have her rich father ruin all of our careers. And Josh was abusive, it was like I could never escape his torture. But at least we had each other, no mater how wrong this was. "ZAYN!" oh crap! It was the British blonde herself. She wast all that close, but it wasn't safe for me to stay. "GO!" he mouths to me. I run back to my room. "We need to talk, now." Josie and Darcy were siting on my bed. This wouldn't be good.


	9. Chapter 9

This was it. We had worked all day for this show. I was standing behind a curtain, waiting for the show to begin. I could hear the crowd. Everyone was here. Even Josh, Ty, Lucy, Darcy and Josie. Josie and Darcy had found out my secret. They were sworn into secrecy, but they were 2 more people who know but shouldn't. "Students of Pinewood! Welcome to the Back to school concert! Opening tonight's show we have... LILY PORTER!" the voice announced. Everyone cheered and clapped, even people backstage. The curtain lifted and the music started. I stepped up to the mic and started to sing.

"I went out last night  
I'm going out tonight again  
Anything to capture your attention (your attention)  
And she's a real sweet girl  
And you know I got a boy  
Details we both forgot to mention (forgot to mention)  
And you, I always know where you are  
And you always know where I am  
We're taking it way too far  
But I don't want it to end  
This kiss is something I can't resist  
Your lips are undeniable  
This kiss is something I can't risk  
Your heart is unreliable  
Something so sentimental  
You make so detrimental  
And I wish it didn't feel like this  
Cause I don't wanna miss this kiss  
I don't wanna miss this kiss

You know you're just my type  
And your eyes are lock and key, to my heart  
Tempting my confession (my confession)  
And you're a real hot thing  
But you know i've got a boy somewhere  
So can you feel the tension? (Feel the tension)  
And you, I'm dancing to where you are  
And your dancing to where I am  
We're taking it way too far  
But I don't want it to end  
This kiss is something I can't resist  
Your lips are undeniable  
This kiss is something I can't risk  
Your heart is unreliable  
Something so sentimental  
You make so detrimental  
And I wish it didn't feel like this  
Cause I don't wanna miss this kiss  
I don't wanna miss this kiss  
But if you ask me to  
I couldn't, I couldn't, I  
You're leaning closer and  
I shouldn't, I shouldn't, I  
But if you ask me to  
I couldn't, I couldn't, I  
I shouldn't, I shouldn't  
I don't wanna miss this kiss  
This kiss is something I can't resist  
Your lips are undeniable  
This kiss is something I can't risk  
Your heart is unreliable  
Something so sentimental  
You make so detrimental  
And I wish it didn't feel like this  
Cause I don't wanna miss this kiss  
I wish it didn't feel like this  
I don't wanna miss this kiss

No other song was obvious but discrete. The song was about an affair. Only 4 people in the crowd seemed to understand my song choice. Darcy, who agrees with me love is worth the risk, Josie who somewhat disproved, Ty who had stopped caring, and Josh. He knew something was up. I walked off the stage to the back. I received hi-fives from all the boys, Nathan winked at me, and Perrie gave me a nasty look. She hates me, I don't know why. Its not like I'm seeing her boyfriend. Wait I am. But she don't know that. Up next was Perrie's group Little mix. In my opinion she can't sing, the other girls in the group are fabulous. I ran off to change my outfit, while they preformed. I could have been my colorful self, but right now I felt Black. So that's what I wore. Black.

[Perrie]  
Does he tell you he loves when you least expect it?  
Does he flutter your heart when he kisses your neck?  
No scientists, or biology  
It's obvious when he's holdin' me  
It's only natural that I'm so effected, ohhh  
[Jade]  
And my heart won't beat again  
If I can't feel him in my veins  
No need to question  
I already know

[All]  
It's in his DNA, D-D-D-DNA  
It's in his DNA  
And he just takes my breath away,  
bre-bre-bre-breath away  
I feel it everyday,  
And that's what makes a man  
Not hard to understand  
Perfect in every way  
I see it in his face  
Nothing more to say  
It's in his D-D-D-D-DNA

[Jesy]  
It's the blue in his eyes that helps me see the future  
Fingerprints that leave me covered for days, yeaaah  
Now I don't have any first degree  
But I know, what he does to me  
No need to work it out, it's so familiar

[Jade]  
And my heart won't beat again  
If I can't feel him in my veins  
No need to question  
I already know

[All]  
It's in his DNA, D-D-D-DNA  
It's in his DNA  
And he just takes my breath away,  
bre-bre-bre-breath away  
I feel it everyday,  
And that's what makes a man  
Not hard to understand  
Perfect in every way  
I see it in his face  
Nothing more to say  
It's in his D-D-D-D-DNA  
[Leigh-Anne]

It's all about his kiss, contaminates my lips  
Our energy connects, it's simple genetics  
I'm the x to his y, it's the colour of his eyes  
He can do no wrong, no he don't need to try  
Made from the best, he passes all the tests  
Got my heart beating fast it's cardiac arrest  
He's from a different strain, that science can't expalin  
I guess that's how he's made  
In his D-D-D-DNA  
[Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh]  
[All]  
It's in his DNA, D-D-D-DNA  
It's in his DNA  
And he just takes my breath away,  
bre-bre-bre-breath away  
I feel it everyday,  
And that's what makes a man  
Not hard to understand  
Perfect in every way  
I see it in his face  
Nothing more to say  
It's in his D-D-D-D-DNA

The wanted preformed a song called Glad you came next. Dedicated to who? Me. FUN. While they were on stage and the boys were away preparing to go on themselves, Perrie approached me. "I would back off if I were you, he has no interest in you. If you don't I will ruin you." the she left before I could even respond. That little bitch! If my gloves were made of leather instead of lace, I would have smacked her face. But I remained calm. The boys went on next. They sang What makes you beautiful. I was on next. "WOAH! Please tell me your not going goth to!" Niall exclaimed taking one look at me. I was dressed in all black. I even had black extension in my hair, with black make up. The only thing that wasn't black were my nails, they were bright red. lily_porter/set?id=64912655 "NO! I just felt like this outfit!" I told him. I wasn't gonna go goth. That's to weird. Even though Ty did it. "UP next...LILY PORTER!" the voice called me on stage. I heard gasps and whispers about me going goth. They soon stopped when I started singing.  
I'm waking up to ash and dust  
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust  
I'm breathing in the chemicals  
I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus  
This is it, the apocalypse  
Whoa  
I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones  
Enough to make my systems blow  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
I raise my flags, dye my clothes  
It's a revolution, I suppose  
We'll paint it red to fit right in  
I flash my red nails to the crowd.  
Whoa  
I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus  
This is it, the apocalypse  
Whoa  
I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones  
Enough to make my systems blow  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
All systems go, sun hasn't died  
Deep in my bones, straight from inside  
I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones  
Enough to make my systems blow  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Welcome to the new age, to the new age  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive  
Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive

I'm one of those people who really gets into their performances. I move around a lot. Twirl when it feels right. I move with the music. The crowd loves it. I walk off stage and hurry to change my outfit and makeup. I could feel the color inside me wanting to come out. I picked out the most colorful outfit I could find. My tank top said "I fancy the lead singer". This was the outfit for my performance with One Direction. The best part is that there is no lead singer in One Direction. lily_porter_with_one_direction/set?id=64972766 "Next up Lily Porter and One Direction!" nobody goes on stage, the music starts. We had planed it perfectly. Ok so the boys and I had argued over our song choice. I'm a huge fan of pop, but they like more alternate stuff. With the song we choose, we had both. Harry likes coldplay and so do I. So we picked the song Princess of China. We each walked onto stage as our parts come up.  
(Liam)  
Once upon a time somebody ran  
Somebody ran away saying fast as I can  
I've got to go, I've got to go!  
(Niall)  
Once upon a time we fell apart  
You're holding in your hands the two halves of my heart  
Ohhhhh, ohhhhh!  
Ohhhhh...  
[lily:]  
Once upon a time, we burned bright  
Now all we ever seem to do is fight  
On and on...  
And on and on and on...  
(both Zayn and lily)  
Once upon a time on the same side.  
Once upon a time on the same side, in the same game  
And why'd you have to go, have to go and throw water on my flame  
(Lily)  
I could've been a princess, you'd be a king  
Could've had a castle, and worn a ring  
But no, you let me go  
I could've been a princess, you'd be a king  
Could've had a castle, and worn a ring  
(all)  
But no, you let me go  
And stole my star  
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la [x3]  
You stole my star  
La, la la la la laaaaaa  
Oooooooh-oh oh oooooooh oh oh oh ohhhhhhhhh  
Oooooooh-oh oh oooooooh oh oh oh ohhhhhhhhh  
Cause you really hurt me  
No you really hurt me  
Cause you really hurt me  
No you really hurt me  
Cause you really hurt me  
Ooooooooh you really hurt me, ooooooooh  
Cause you really hurt me  
Ooooooooh you really hurt me...

That should show Perrie I'm not afraid of her. That was it for my performances tonight. I walked off the stage, told everyone goodnight, and headed back to my room. When I got there I showered, got rid of all the make up and put on the same pajamas I wore last Saturday. My IDGAF tee shirt that didn't cover my mid section and my short shorts. I heard the others getting in. I ran to find Ty "I'm really sorry about earlier, I just..." I say. "its ok I've been snappy lately. I just don't think this is a good idea" Ty says trying to keep it on the down low. "we know! We aren't stupid" Darcy and Josie say together. "i agree with you Ty, but it's her life." Josie says. She and Darcy start to argue about it. Darcy was fully supporting me. "shut up both of you. I'm gonna keep it up no matter what happens. Josie is right this is my life" they all agree. We talk for a while longer then we all go to bed.


	10. Chapter 10

But sleep never came. It was 1 am and I was laying in the dark on my bed, wide awake. I don't know why but I was to tired to sleep. I tried everything from counting sheep to listening to music. Nothing worked. Now I was kinda bored. I pull out my phone to see who's still up. But I was beat to it. "You still up?" Zayn asked. "Yeah Can't Sleep" I respond. "Me either. What are you doing?" he asked. "nothing much" I type. "Want some company?" I was shocked. It was 1:05 ish in the morning! "sure. Just do not get caught!" I respond. I get up and unlock my door. Then I climb back into my bed. I pulled back the blinds and gazed out the window. Everything was peaceful. Still in the dead of night. I could see the oak tree perfectly. Just thinking of the special place made me smile. I turn as I here the soft sound of the door shutting.

We spent at least an hour laying together. Talking and laughing. Cuddling and kissing. I was the happiest I have ever been. I was surprised we didn't wake up the other girls. He and I were made for each other. We had been around each other for most of our lives yet we had barley ever talked. Now we couldn't stop talking! We had so much in common. Even the same best friends. I fell alsleep with my head on his chest.


	11. Chapter 11

"Oh my gosh!" the loud voice wakes me up. I knew the voice, so I didn't even open my eyes. "what Ty?" I ask cuddling up to my pillow. It was extremely comfortable. "How long have you been here?" she asks. Oh right I was laying on Zayn. That explains the comfortableness. "since 1:30 this morning" I reply with a yawn. I really didn't care, I was in such a good mood. I opened my eyes to find that zayn was still asleep, even with Ty's yelling. If I could freeze one moment in time this might be it. Ty was staring at me with disapproval in her eyes. I just smiled at her. I looked down at myself and realized that my pajamas were super short and skimpy. That's what made it look the most inappropriate. It didn't help that he was shirtless. "you know what? I think I'm just gonna go back to sleep" I say shutting my eyes. My rest lasted only 2 minutes. Ty had gotten Josie to help her dump cold water onto us. That had me up in an instant. "what the hell! I'm gonna kill both!" I am not a fan of rude awakenings. Both Zayn and were on our feet, ready to kill. The terrified looks on Ty and Josie's faces made me burst out laughing. "I'll get you later, when you least expect it!" I vow. Zayn soon took off. "So how was your sleep-over? Did you do anything fun?" Josie asked. I looked at her horrified she would ask anything like that. "MYOB!" I say. We all laugh. Suddenly Darcy walks into the room. She looks only half awake. "Did I miss anything?" we start rolling on the floor laughing. "um yeah a lot" Ty manages in between fits of laughter. I was so glad the old Ty was mostly back.

"I'm rolling the dice got the wind in my hair! I'm gonna kill my boyfriend!" I sang as I scrubbed my hair. I love that song. Plus I seriously want to kill my boyfriend. It would my life a little less complicated. I was in a good mood. Maybe today I could do it. No not kill Josh! But break up with him. I felt very powerful for some reason. I was brushing my wet hair humming when I heard a loud knock on the door. I ran over to open it. It was Josh. "YOU ARE CHEATING ON ME?!" he screams, storming in. oh crap. He knew. "WITH NATHAN NONE THE LESS!" she continues to scream. Omg he really was retarded. He raises a fist and hits me. I scream for help. I heard a voice respond. But they weren't fast enough. Before he makes his next move, I kick him hard in the balls. He falls hard to the ground. He lays there for a few secs staring at me shocked. I had never fought back. But now I was fed up. Both of my doors burst open. The girls run in through the bathroom door and all of the boys through the door leading to the hall. They were all shocked. Josh hadn't seen the boys yet. He rose from the floor. "You will pay for that you little..." he grumbles. He was definitely drunk. He was never this bad sober. Niall steps in front of me, anger on his face. "Get out" he told josh. Josh put up a fight and ended up being dragged out of the room by harry and Louis. I look in the mirror to see my lip is bleeding. "you ok lil?" Niall asked concerned. "I'm better than he is. It's just a busted lip, it will heal." I tell him. Josie comes up and hugs me, which is something she only does in the most random moments. I loved hugs, but she wasn't the one I desperately wanted to hug. Zayn was in the room, yet we could do much in front of everyone else. At least we less wrong for us to be together. But now I would be frowned apron if we were caught. "go grab Lucy and lets all go get lunch." I tell everyone trying to lighten the mood.

We all walk to lunch together. We took the food back to the room. We were bored as we ate so we started playing truth or dare. "Lily truth or dare" Niall mumbles out with his mouth stuffed full of food. Very few people understood what he said, but I speak Niall "truth" I almost never do dares. "i have to whisper this one to you" he explained That got me worried. What could he possibly ask that he couldn't say out loud. "Are you seeing Zayn?" my jaw drops. "how the... Who told..." I was so shocked. "i kinda figured it out on my own" he says smiling. Everyone looks so lost. I glance over at Ty and she understands. "Darcy truth or dare?" I ask "Dare!" she is very adventurous. Suddenly Louis whispers something in my ear. I almost burst out laughing. I was definitely gonna use that dare. "I dare you to... Kiss harry!" she turns a color red that almost matched her hair. She looks at me ready to kill. "hey don't kill me, it was Louis idea!" I say laughing. Harry had this cheeky smile on his face. It was so obvious they like each other! The pair kiss. The kiss last for at least 2 mins. "We said kiss not snog!" Louis says. The British terms are so strange. Snog sounds like a mix of snow and hog. I prefer the American term, making out, so much better. The game continues I picked dare once and ended up singing California girls. Niall though it would be funny because I'm from California Over all it was a very fun lunch.


	12. Chapter 12

"HEY! LILY LISTEN TO THIS!" Niall yells as all the boys come into my room. "Do you know how to knock?" I ask smirking. "But lily it's important!" I hadn't even looked at him. I was painting my nails with Lucy and Darcy. Ty was coloring on her shoes. "We have a song and we want to sing it for you!" Niall continues. "Go ahead" I say. The boys have a song to sing for us. This was gonna be interesting. All the boys stood in the center of my room.

Liam:  
Am I asleep am I awake or somewhere in between  
I can't believe that you are here and lying next to me  
Or did I dream that we were perfectly in twine  
Like branches on a tree your twigs caught on a vine

Niall:  
Like all those days and weeks and months I tried to steal a kiss  
And all those sleepless nights and daydreams where I picture this  
I'm just the underdog who finally got the girl  
And I am not ashamed to tell it to the world

Harry & Louis:  
Truly, madly, deeply I am.  
Foolishly, completely, falling  
And somehow you kicked all my walls in  
So baby say you'll always keep me  
Truly, madly, crazy deeply in love.  
With you. In love, with you.

Liam:  
Should I put coffee and granola on a tray in bed?  
And wake you up with all the words that I still haven't said.  
And tender touches it just to show you how I feel.  
Or should I act so cool like it was no big deal.

Zayn:  
Wish I could freeze this moment in a frame and stay like this  
Or put this day back on replay and keep reliving it  
Cause here's a tragic truth if you don't feel the same  
My heart would fall apart if someone said your name

All:  
Truly, madly, deeply I am.  
Foolishly, completely, falling  
And somehow you kicked all my walls in  
So baby say you'll always keep me  
Truly, madly, crazy deeply in love.  
With you.

Louis:  
I hope I'm not a causality, hope you won't get up and leave  
Might not mean that much to you, but to me it's everything, everything.

All:  
Truly, madly, deeply I am.  
Foolishly, completely, falling  
And somehow you kicked all my walls in  
So baby say you'll always keep me  
Truly, madly, crazy deeply in love.  
With you, in love, with you, in love, with you.  
With you.

It was so sweet and catchy. Liam liked one of us. I wondered who it was. He had so much emotion when he sang. "Beautiful guys" I tell them. "Now Lily its your tun to show us what you have been working on." I hate them sometimes. "Ok Fine. But its not gonna song good!" I grumble as I get up.  
I was working on a cover of a Natalia Kills song, Wonderland.

I'm not Snow White,  
but I'm lost inside this forest.  
I'm not Red Riding Hood,  
but I think the wolves have got me.  
Don't want your stilettos!  
I'm not, not Cinderella..  
I don't need a knight,  
so baby take off all your armor!  
You be the beast,  
and I'll be the beauty beauty.  
Who needs true love,  
as long as you love me truly?  
I want it all,  
but I want ya more!  
Will you wake me up boy  
if I bite your poison apple?

I don't believe in fairy tales..  
I don't believe in fairy tales..  
I don't believe in fairy tales,  
but I believe in you and me!

Take me ta' wonderland!  
take me ta' take me ta'  
take me ta' wonderland!  
take me ta' take me ta'  
take me ta' wonderland!  
take me ta' take me ta'  
take me ta' wonderland!  
Wonderland wonderland!

When I lay my head down  
to go to sleep at night..  
My dreams consist of things  
that'll make you wanna hide.  
Don't let me in ya your tower.  
Show me your magic powers!  
I'm not afraid to face  
a little bit of danger, danger!  
I want the love,  
the money and the perfect ending  
You want the same as I, I.  
So stop pretending!  
I wanna show you how  
good we could be together..  
I wanna love you through the night,  
we'll be a sweet disaster!

I don't believe in fairy tales..  
I don't believe in fairy tales..  
I don't believe in fairy tales,  
but I believe in you and me!

Take me ta' wonderland!  
take me ta' take me ta'  
take me ta' wonderland!  
take me ta' take me ta'  
take me ta' wonderland!  
take me ta' take me ta'  
take me ta' wonderland!  
Wonderland wonderland!

I don't believe in fairy tales..  
I don't believe in fairy tales..  
I don't believe in fairy tales,  
but I believe in you and me!

Take me ta' wonderland!  
take me ta' take me ta'  
take me ta' wonderland!  
take me ta' take me ta'  
take me ta' wonderland!  
take me ta' take me ta'  
take me ta' wonderland!  
Wonderland wonderland!

"That was..." Ty starts. "Somewhat dark." Liam finishes her sentence. "I told you, that you wouldn't like it!" I say. "I liked it." Zayn says. He was to nice sometimes. "Well that makes one of you." I laugh. It was a Tuesday night and all was fun and peaceful. The day had gone with out drama and I was relaxed. The boys stayed for about an hour, then they and Lucy went off to bed. "Who do you think Liam likes?" I asked the girls. "I don't know, but they so wrote that song for us!" Darcy says dreamily. She had become so happy ever since she and harry started dating. It was hard to separate them. Ty made no comment. The girls went to bed and so did I. I put on my headphones and listened to the only music that could help me sleep. All of my One Direction music.


	13. Chapter 13

It was Saturday night. My favorite night of the week. Saturday meant Zayn. Ty still disapproved, but she was definitely coming around. I opened the door and automaticly felt that something was not right. He looked almost emotionless. "Whats wrong?" I ask as I shut the door. "I'm so sorry." something was very wrong. I was confused. What had happened. I was afraid. "Ty was right. We can't do this. Its to much of a risk" my world shattered. I was so shocked, that I couldn't speak. "I'm sorry Lily, but this is goodbye." I was still standing there frozen, when he was gone. I had tears in my eyes as it all started to sink in. I heard someone walk into the room. I was still staring at the door. "Lily is something wrong?" Ty asked, when I didn't respond to something she said. "He's gone" I say, my voice trembling with pain. "What? Who?" she asks. "It's all your fault! You kept telling us we shouldn't!" I scream. I didn't mean it. I just wished I could blame someone for my pain. I fell to the floor sobbing. Ty knew, exactly what had happened. She was shocked, but not mad at me. She sits down next to me and lets me cry on her shoulder. "I was so stupid. No one could love me" I say through sobs. Ty took me to her room, knowing I didn't want to be alone. We slept in her bed and I cried myself to sleep.

The next morning, I didn't get up. Ty had told all the girls. I was so heartbroken. I lay in my own bed now, staring blankly at the wall. I didn't want to think. Thinking brought memories, which brought pain, which brought tears. It was 2 pm and I still hadn't moved. I heard someone walk into my room. I didn't roll over to see who it was. "Ty whats up with Lily?" it was Niall. "He didn't tell you?" Ty asks with hints of anger in her voice. "Who Zayn? Haven't seen him." Niall says sounding confused. "He left her. She hasn't spoken since." Ty says with worry in her voice. I hadn't spoken since last night, nor had I eaten. I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder. "Don't tune out on us. Please Lily. Not again." Niall pleads with me. I had tuned out once before. When my grandfather died. I didn't speak and barely ate for a week. This felt worse. I never wanted to get up again. I didn't want to live anymore. I would shoot myself if I had a gun. But Ty knew I can get suicidal so I was under constant watch. I had once tried to hang myself when I was 12, but Ty saved me. She never told anyone. After Niall left. I put on my headphones. I had one song on my mind. It had played over again in my head all day. I sang softly along with the song. It brought more tears to my eyes.

Say you're sorry  
That face of an angel  
Comes out just when you need it to  
As I paced back and forth all this time  
Cause I honestly believed in you  
Holding on  
The days drag on  
Stupid girl,  
I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus:]  
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,  
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,  
Lead her up the stairwell  
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,  
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,  
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

Maybe I was naïve,  
Got lost in your eyes  
And never really had a chance  
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love  
You had to fight to have the upper hand  
I had so many dreams  
About you and me  
Happy endings  
Now I know

[Chorus:]  
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,  
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,  
Lead her up the stairwell  
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,  
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,  
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

And there you are on your knees,  
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me  
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale,  
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well  
This is a big world, that was a small town  
There in my rear view mirror disappearing now  
And it's too late for you and your white horse  
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa  
Try and catch me now  
Oh, it's too late  
To catch me now


	14. Chapter 14

I spend the rest of the weekend and Monday in my bed. Everyone was worried. I still barely spoke. And I hadn't eaten, but nobody knew that. I had convinced Ty that I had eaten. Now only felt numbness. No emotion. Finally at 5 pm I got up. I wasn't gonna waste my life, crying over my mistake. I was not better. If anything I was worse. I no longer felt anything. I was gonna show him! I could get so much better. At least that's what I told myself. I went and took a shower. When I got out I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked dead. On the inside I was dead, but I wouldn't let anyone know that. I went back to sleep. Tomorrow I would have to start over again.

"LILY! Put some damn clothes on!" Josie was yelling at me, over my outfit. "Whats wrong with it?" pretending to think nothing was wrong. "You're dressed like a prostitute!" Darcy adds her input. "Language please!" Ty said holding her ears. I knew it was true. "Just let me go through my post break up phase." I say. "OH MY GOD! It's Ke$ha!" Lucy says walking into the room. I burst out laughing. "No its me." I say rolling on my bed with laughter. I did kinda look like Ke$ha. My usually neat, straight hair, was curly and messy like hers. Plus my outfit, a tight tank top and very very short shorts. I had a peacock feather in my hair and very high heels. I had lots of make up on, too. I barely looked like the old me. We all walked down to breakfast. I was hoping to miss the boys but over course, we all arrived at the same time. We sat down and I had a few bites of my first meal in days. "Hey Lily" oh he was gonna pretend nothing was wrong. "Just don't talk to me." I shocked everyone. They only knew sweet little Lily. What most of them didn't know, was that that Lily was dead and gone. "So you were sick yesterday?" Zayn asked, paying no attention to my attitude. "I SAID DON'T TALK TO ME!" I yell. Now everyone was freaked out. I picked up my food and left. The boys and Lucy were super confused, cause they never knew. I threw away my food, I had only had a little, but I wasn't hungry.

The rest of my day, all eyes were on me. I had a whole new attitude. I was a good girl gone bad. A lot of boys had whistled as I walked by in the hallway. Ty had lost it. She thought I had gone mental. The true was I didn't give a crap anymore. But I had one thing left in my life, my music. The one thing I still cared about. Steve didn't bother me as I walked into the studio. "Lily, this band, Cobra Starship, is looking for a female artist to collaborate with, you up for it?" Steve asked. "Sure" I reply. Apparently the band wanted to go today. So we all got into the recording room and got ready to do our thing. I was gonna sing with the lead singer, who was older, but still kinda hot. The name of the song was Good Girls go bad. Oh, the irony!

I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go  
Good girls go bad  
Good girls go bad

I know your type  
Yeah daddy's lil' girl  
Just take a bite  
Let me shake up your world  
Cause just one night couldn't be so wrong  
I'm gonna make you lose control

She was so shy  
'Til I drove her wild

I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go bad  
You were hanging in the corner  
With your five best friends  
You heard that I was trouble but you couldn't resist  
I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go  
Good girls go bad  
Good girls go bad  
Good girls go

Lily:  
I know your type  
Boy you're dangerous  
Yeah you're that guy  
I'd be stupid to trust  
But just one night couldn't be so wrong  
You make me want to lose control

She was so shy  
'Til I drove her wild

I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go bad

Lily:  
I was hanging in the corner  
With my five best friends  
I heard that you were trouble but I couldn't resist  
I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go  
Good girls go bad  
Good girls go bad  
Good girls go bad

Oh she got a way with them boys in the place  
Treat 'em like they don't stand a chance

Lily:  
And he got a way with them girls in the back  
Actin' like they too hot to dance

Yeah she got a way with them boys in the place  
Treat 'em like they don't stand a chance

Lily:  
And he got a way with them girls in the back  
Actin' like they too hot to dance

Both:  
I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go  
Them good girls go bad  
Good girls go bad

Lily:  
I was hanging in the corner  
With my five best friends  
I heard that you were trouble but I couldn't resist  
I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go  
Good girls go bad  
Good girls go bad  
Good girls go


	15. Chapter 15

Contains material that may be awkward for any male readers. Viewer diesrection advised! Girls it shouldn't bother you.

-

"TY WHATS THE DATE?" I yell while I'm in the bathroom. "September 16th the day before your birthday, why?" she yells back. Oh crap it was the 3rd week of the month, I was right. It was supposed to be Cinco de Mayo, but it wasn't. And I was scared out of my mind. Among my friends and I, Cinco de Mayo is a code word we use to talk about, that time of the month. Well it was Cinco de Mayo,and nothing had happened. The worse thing flashed into my mind. But that couldn't be true, could it? I was hyperventilating now. "Ty!" I call, walking over to sit on my bed. "Yeah?" she asks walking into my room. "I think I'm pregnant." Ty looks so shocked. "I think I need to check my hearing. For a second I thought you said you thought you were pregnant, but that's impossible." Ty says laughing weakly. "Whats impossible?" Josie walks into the room. "Ty, I did say I thought I was pregnant. It kinda isn't impossible." I say sheepishly. Josie walks over to the wall and leans her head against it. "Why? Why?" she asks. "You are going to the nurse now!" Ty and Josie say together leading the way.

"It's way to early to know for sure or not, but it may just be lack of nutrition or stress." the nurse tells us. It was somewhat of a relief, but not really, since there was still a chance. I hadn't been eating a lot lately, still, so that was some hope. "Are you gonna, tell him?" Ty asks. "NO, not until I know for sure." I tell them once we got back to my room. "Well happy early birthday" Josie says. "No one else can know ok!" I tell them. "Agreed!" Ty and Josie say. They spent all night with me. With all of us worried out of our minds.

-

sorry its short!


	16. Chapter 16

"I don't like surprises." I mutter as I'm being led blindfolded somewhere. "I know you don't, but its your birthday! You didn't let us do anything last year and it was your sweet sixteen!" Darcy says leading me on. I didn't want them to go through a lot of trouble on my behalf. It makes me feel guilty. Darcy and Lucy decided to take matters into their own hands this year. The only reason I wasn't arguing, was that I didn't want to hurt their feelings. She took of the blindfold off and I saw that we where in a dark room. Surprise party great. Just what I needed. Ty and Josie wouldn't have done this. Not after what happened yesterday. Maybe a good party was all I need to feel better. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY LILY!"everyone yells when the lights turn on. ALL of the boys were there. Great that just made my day. I didn't want to see him. We hadn't spoken since my outburst at lunch a few days ago. A bunch of other people where there. After a few mins of socializing, I sat down at the makeshift bar. The bartender himself was a teen. Underage drinking is not uncommon at Pinewood. Its illegal and against the rules, yet most students do it. Either they drink, do drugs, or cut. You have to deal with the stress someway. Artists don't have a lot of stress, but singers and dancers are constant drinkers. I started drinking something that was most likely vodka. After a drink or 2, I began to feel relaxed. "Rough week?" a voice next to me asks. Without looking up to see who it was I reply. "You could say that." "Yeah, this week was pretty tough for me too." the voice is pretty familiar. I look up to see Nathan. If I wasn't wasted, I would have left, but right now I didn't care. We talk for awhile longer. When he wasn't trying to get me to date him, he was actually a good guy. He actually made me feel a little better.

"Singing anyone?" Lucy asks. She sounded almost as wasted as I was. I think of us girls except Ty were drunk. I had seen Ty drink a little. She was pretty stressed by yesterday. "I'll do it" I didn't even know why the words left my mouth. Josie volunteers, too. The song completely showed how drunk we were.

Coming out your mouth with your blah blah blah  
Zip your lips like a padlock  
And meet me at the back with the jack and the jukebox  
I dont really care where you live at  
Just turn around boy and let me hit that  
Don't be a little b!tch with your chit chat  
Just show me where your d!ck's at

Music's up  
Listen hot stuff  
I'm in love  
With this song  
So just hush  
Baby shut up  
Heard enough

Stop talking that  
Blah blah blah  
Think you'll be getting this  
Nah nah nah  
Not in the back of my  
Car-ar-ar  
If you keep talking that  
Blah blah blah blah blah

Boy come on get your rocks off  
Come put a little love in my glove box  
I wanna dance with no pants on  
Meet me in the back with the jack and the jukebox  
So cut to the chase kid  
'Cause I know you don't care what my middle name is  
I wanna be naked  
But you're wasted

Music's up  
Listen hot stuff  
I'm in love  
With this song  
So just hush  
Baby shut up  
Heard enough

Stop talking that  
Blah blah blah  
Think you'll be getting this  
Nah nah nah  
Not in the back of my  
Car-ar-ar  
If you keep talking that  
Blah blah blah blah blah

You be delaying,  
You always be saying some shit  
You say I'm playing,  
I'm never laying the b!tch  
Sayin' "blah, blah blah"  
'cause I don't care who you are  
In this bar  
It only matters who I is

Stop talking that Blah blah blah  
Think you'll be getting this  
Nah nah nah  
Not in the back of my  
Car-ar-ar  
If you keep talking that  
Blah blah blah blah blah

I danced the rest of the night. I couldn't help notice, Zayn was watching me with a sad look on his face. What is he playing at? He was hot and cold. I noticed Ty talk to him once or twice. Somehow, believe me I don't know how, I ended up making out with Nathan. He was kinda nice. That may just be the alcohol speaking, but he had been nice to me tonight. One interesting 17th birthday.


	17. Chapter 17

A week after my birthday, everything had changed. I had a new boyfriend, Nathan. Josie and Ty had protected me and rarely left my side. Right now I was crying on my bed. My life was over. "Lily, What did the nurse say?" she asks when she and Josie enter the room. "No...but..I'm so sorry, Lily" Josie says once she sees my tears. Ty looks terribly frightened. "This just isn't right." she mumbles almost to herself. "I'm so scared" I sob on to Josie's shoulder. "We all are" she sighs softly was she rubs my back. "I have to make a choice. I have to choose soon. I have to decide if I want to have a baby or not." I tell them. I already knew my answer I just wanted their input. "I'm sorry Lil but I am totally against an abortion" Josie tells me. "I am too. Nobody is gonna go inside of me and take out my baby. Baby. I'm gonna have a baby." I was so shocked. At least I'm not that young. 17 is nearly of age. Still I was freaked out of my mind. "so your gonna keep it?" Ty asks. "I'm gonna give birth. But I don't know about keeping it. I don't have to choose that now." I tell her. A huge smile wipes across Ty's face. "what?" Josie and I ask, confused. "There's a baby inside of you." she says. "Well thank you captain obvious!" I say as we all laugh. I felt good to laugh. The nurse had assured me nobody would know until I told them. So for now I was safe. "what do you guys think boy or girl?" I ask trying a to lighten the mood. "girl" "most differently a girl" they tell me. I laugh. A baby girl. Or boy we don't know yet. "I'm gonna get so fat!" I say laying down on my back. "that's gonna be so weird. You're tiny right now." ty says with a weird look, as if she were trying to picture it. "Hey Lil, feeling better?" Niall asks walking into the room. Oh! I hadn't told the girls yet. "She threw up in science class." Niall explains, when their faces seem to be clueless. Yep. Morning sickness begins. Niall notices that their gazes are fixed on my stomach. Oh crap. He's pretty good at putting things together. "Lily" he says sounding stern "is there something you haven't told me?" He was onto us so we had no other option. We told him. He didn't ask any questions at first. We left out the identity of the father. He would murder him. Niall looked just plain shocked. We made him promise to tell no one. But soon I would have to tell people. Including my parents. They wouldn't understand. My little sister, Clove would be shocked. But all of that I would think about later. Right now I was gonna focus on excepting the fact I was having a baby at 17. After Niall left, Josie asked the one question I did not ever wanna answer. "When are you gonna tell him?" "I don't know. I really just don't know." I tell her. "I might have some one else do it." I suggest. "NO!" Ty yells. I laugh. "I was kidding!" I say. I was glad we could still laugh even during this insanely crazy, stressful situation.


	18. Chapter 18

I didn't write the song. Its by someone else. Listen to it on the side bar!

"What is that god awful smell?" I say as I hold my nose. We were all siting around eating breakfast. "All I smell is coffee" Darcy says sounding confused. That couldn't be it. I love the smell of coffee. She held it up to nose. "GOD! Get it away!" I say grabbing my nose. I felt like I was gonna be sick. Everyone gave me weird looks, cause they know I love the smell of coffee. I hated that I had to lie to them. But I don't wanna tell them yet. Suddenly I couldn't hold it much longer. I took off at full speed for the bathroom and puked my guts out. Stupid mourning sickness! Ty and Josie weren't far behind, again they had become my guard dogs. "I'm gonna take the rest of the day off, I'm felling really bad." I tell them. Josie had a class so Ty walked me back to my room. She stayed during 1st period then she left, too. I was kinda glad to be alone. It gave me time to think. As I lay in bed my hands went on my stomach. I wasn't showing yet but, I was already very protective or the little one inside of me. Pregnancy's happen every once in a while at Pinewood. If the couple decided to keep the baby, generally that meant both of their careers were over. I couldn't bare to kill her. I was almost sure it was a girl. I had grown quite attached to her. But I loved my music so much. This was one choice no 17 year old should have to make.

"LOUIS! LET US OUT!" I demand banging on the door. "Not until you fix your problems." he responses with an evil laugh. He had noticed, Zayn and weren't getting along, so he locked us in a room together. Evil little boy! I sigh and sit down, knowing we are gonna be here for a while. Josie would be here to get me out soon, hopefully. Ty was outside trying to talk Louis into letting us out, but he stood firm. Even going as far as to call himself Jimmy, while talking in 3rd person. "No Jimmy protested!" he yelled at Ty. Ty wasn't as tough as Josie. "He wouldn't change his mind. So we better start talking" Zayn said. "Fine." I say dryly. I knew everyone outside was listening. "So, You been sick?" he asked. "Yeah. Stomach bug. Ugh I cant be stuck in here! I have to write a song." I say with irritation in my voice. "What do you have so far?" he asked. "How about get me outta here!" I say. Wait that was good! "Get me outta here, 'Cuz my eyes are burning, from these silly tears" I sang coming up with it as I went. "That's pretty good." he tells me. We talk for about an hour then Louis let us out. We went in hating each, but I think we went out awkward friends. Plus I had a song in my head now. And for that I wasn't gonna kill Louis.

Get me outta here  
'Cuz my eyes are burning  
From these silly tears  
That you brought when you show me you don't really care  
And you never loved me, someone get me outta this place  
Right now

It's so amazing how you have so many faces  
And you are not that person I thought that  
I had fell so deep in love with

You changed up your makeup your DNA  
I can't recognize you're a stranger to me  
I feel so betrayed what a waste of my heart and me

Get me outta here  
'Cuz my eyes are burning  
From these silly tears  
That you brought when you show me you don't really care  
And you never loved me, someone get me outta this place  
Right now

My body's trembling it's so damn hard  
To kick this feeling, your heart is so cold and now I'm freezing  
Wish you could feel the pain, maybe I will arrange it  
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah

You changed up your makeup your DNA  
I can't recognize, you're a stranger to me  
I feel so betrayed, what a waste of my heart and me

Get me outta here  
'Cuz my eyes are burning  
From these silly tears  
That you brought when you show me you don't really care  
And you never loved me, someone get me outta this place

I thought that we were forever  
I guess I misunderstood  
My fault for thinking you loved me  
Or in thinking you ever could  
Get me out of here right now  
Get me out of here right now

Get me outta here  
'Cuz my eyes are burning  
From these silly tears  
That you brought when you show me you don't really care  
And you never loved me, someone get me outta this place

Get me outta here  
'Cuz my eyes are burning  
From these silly tears  
That you brought when you show me you don't really care  
(you don't really care)  
And you never loved me, someone get me outta this place

1,2,3,4  
Right now, right now, right now  
Someone get me outta this place  
Get me outta here

"Very nice Lily! What inspired you to write that?" Steve asks while clapping. "Well I was locked in a closet last night, with an ex boyfriend." Steve cracked up. "So you literally meant get me outta her? That's so great!" he says through fits of laughter. "I have crazy friends" I say chuckling. "Oh! I almost forgot. Lily, a company wants to sign a record deal with 2 acts here at Pinewood! Your one of them! They like your work, but they want to hear you live. They are coming here next week! Also they want to you sing with the other act." He tells me. I was gonna faint. This was HUGE! I agreed and ran off to tell my friends.

"TY! JOSIE! I got a record deal!" I scream running into the room. We all scream together. "OMG! This is so huge!" Josie says. "all they want is to here me live! And I have to work with the other chosen act." I tell them. "Who are they?" Ty asks. "I didn't ask, they have to be good, cause they got signed too." I ay realizing I didn't even think to ask.


	19. Chapter 19

"Hey Lil, whatcha need?" Lucy asks walking into my room with a arm full of flowers. "They're for you from Nathan. He's so sweet, if I were single I would be jealous." she continues. Yeah, he was sweet and was definitely in love with me, but I couldn't love him back. Not completely. My heart wanted something different than my head. So they were constantly at war. My heart was still very much in love with Zayn, even though my brain wanted nothing to do with him. Anyways, I was tried of felling judged. I had messed up, but I wanted someone who I could trust to be on my side no matter what. That someone was Lucy. "Lu, I'm in trouble. Big trouble." I tell her. "Oh, Lily what did you do?" she says with concern. "I'm pregnant." she looks shocked. She glances from my face to my stomach to the flowers. "Who is the father?" she asks. "Zayn" Lucy gasps. "What the! How?" I start at the beginning and tell her everything.

"Wow. I guess I was so caught up with Niall I didn't even notice. Just know what ever you chose I will support you all the way." she says giving me a hug after I finish my tale. I knew she would understand. "Thanks Lu, that really means a lot to me." I tell her. "So that's why you were so upset that day a week ago?" she asks. "Yeah, and I'll let you in on a secret that no one knows. I'm not in love with Nathan, all though I wish I was. I'm still in love with Zayn." I admit. "but he has Perrie and it just wouldn't work." "You haven't heard? Perrie dumped him!" I was shocked. Still even with her gone, things between the 2 of us were broken beyond compare. I doubt he'd ever want me back. I talked to her for a while longer, then she left. I felt really tired. This baby was draining all of my energy. I lay down and took a nap.

My dream started with a photograph. A picture of what appeared to be an older version of Zayn and I, with 3 children in the middle. A black haired teen girl, a messy haired teen boy and a tiny little girl with blonde hair. It wasn't hard to tell this was a family. My family. Everyone in the photo was smiling. Then it shifted into golden meadow. The little girl walked up and grabbed my hand. "Time for the picnic mommy!" she says leading me to a blanket with all the other members of the "family" siting on it. Everyone was laughing and smiling. I felt happy. Content. I knew it was a dream. This is one thing that could never become true. Because he didn't want me.

When I woke it was the middle of the night. Happy tears streamed down my face. The dream was so beautiful that I wish it was real. I sung myself back to sleeping, hoping I would have the same dream again. But sadly, dreams don't work like that.


	20. Chapter 20

"Lily! Good you on time!" Steve says as I walk into the studio. Today the record company was here. All of the girls had begged to come watch, and Steve had agreed. We were all curious as to who the other act was. The girls sat down while I walked over to Steve. He was standing with a man and Paul, another instructor.  
"Lily this is Mr. Cowell" Steve says.  
"Please call me Simon. Nice to meet you, I heard your demo and you have talent." Mr. Cowell says shaking my hand.  
"Sorry were late Paul, some one took forever doing their hair." Harry says walking in.  
"At least I didn't insist on eating one of everything for lunch!" Zayn tells Harry.  
"I was hungry!" Niall yells.  
Oh my gosh. It was them. They were the other act. They looked as shocked to see me as I was to see them.  
"Lily? Your the other singer?" Louis asked sounding surprised.  
"You guys know each other?" Paul, Simon and Steve ask.  
"Yeah, I've been friends with Niall since before we were singers." I tell them.  
"Well moving on. I want you to preform one of the songs you recorded. Lily you go first. Do you want to pick on or should I?" Simon asked.  
I knew the answer. It looks better if you let them choice. It show them your prepared.  
"You can pick."  
He smiles and pulls out his phone.  
"My favorite was The Harold song. I would love to hear that one." he says.  
I wrote that song about. Zayn. I named it the Harold song to be all misleading and crap. I made it a way that no one would ever know who it was about, except maybe my friends. I never thought I would have to sing it in front of him. I nod my head and walk into the studio. I knew all the girls were excited to see how this works. I put on the headphones and started to sing.

I miss your soft lips, I miss your white sheets  
I miss the scratch of your unshaven face on my cheek  
And this is so hard 'cause I didn't see  
That you were the love of my life and it kills me

I see your face in strangers on the street  
I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep  
And in the limelight, I play it off fine  
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light  
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light  
They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me  
Young love murder, that is what this must be  
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone  
Alone

The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed  
Young love murder, that is what this must be  
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone  
Alone

Remember the time we jumped the fence when  
The Stones were playing and we were too broke to get in  
You held my hand and they made me cry while  
I swore to God it was the best night of my life

Or when you took me across the world  
We promised that this would last forever but now I see  
It was my past life, a beautiful time  
Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise

Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise

They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me  
Young love murder, that is what this must be  
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone  
Alone

The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed  
Young love murder, that is what this must be  
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone  
Alone

It was a past life, a beautiful time  
Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise

They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me  
Young love murder, that is what this must be  
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone  
Alone

The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed  
Young love murder, that is what this must be  
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone  
Alone

"Beautiful. One of your best." Steve tells me. I walk out of the studio. There was no space to sit, so I sat on Ty.  
"Gosh you've gotten heavier!" she exclaimed as I squished her.  
Everyone gave her weird looks. There was no way skinny, semi-vegetarian, Lily would gain weight. But the true was I had gained a couple pounds and I personally thought I looked fatter. It must have just been me cause Ty said she didn't think I looked any different. I felt fat now, just wait till I actually start showing. The boys were next. They sang their song Gotta be you. It was so slow and very meaningful. It brought tears to my eyes. Pregnancy makes you an emotional wreck. I wiped my tears before anyone could see them. The boys came back out. Simon seemed pleased. I had this deal in the can. I was shocked when Simon had one more request.  
"I want you to sing with him" he gestured to Zayn. I have like great luck. We walked into the room. They gave us a few minutes to plan.  
"Perrie and I broke up" he tells me.  
"Well good for you"  
"Why do you hate me?"  
"Let's see. Um. You broke up with me!"  
"I'm really sorry. I just didn't want you to get hurt."  
That plan failed. I was crushed when he left me there. The only one who seemed unhurt was him. I don't know why he was making this so hard for me. I noticed that Steve had unplugged his headphones. Thus allowing everyone to hear our conversation. Zayn didn't seem to notice.  
"I want you back"  
"I have a boyfriend"  
"That didn't stop you before"  
He leaned in, trying to kiss me. SMACK! My palm met this face. He looked stunned. I stormed out of the room. Once outside I heard all of them laughing hysterically. They also seemed shocked. The boys had just found out about my relationship with Zayn. I didn't even look at them. I stormed off. I was so mad. Once I was in the safety of my room. I did the one thing that comforted me. I talked to my baby. "Your father gets on my every last nerve." she listened. She may be the sized of an olive but I knew she could still her me. That was when I made my decision. I was gonna keep her.


	21. Chapter 21

Rumors about a new student were every where. I first heard them at breakfast, then all during math class. I've heard nasty things and good things about him. But I never really believe the rumors. Most of them are made up. But I found out they were true when I enter the studio. Siting next to Steve was a boy I had never seen before. He had freckles, green eyes and bright orange-red hair. "Lily this is Ed Sheeran. Ed, Lily Porter." I wave to the boy. He looked a bit nervous. Which was understandable. Some people are intimidated by me, because of my fame in the school.

"Lily is one of the best singers in the school"

"Steve! You know that's not true!"

"And she's humble"

I rolled my eyes at Steve and turned to Ed.

"So what can you do?" I asked.

"Sing, play gitutar, write music"

A man of many talents. He was British. I could tell by the acent. I've spent so much time around Niall that I know the know acents really well. I already liked this boy. Steve asked me to her Ed sing. I was curious so I did. He started playing and sang with the voice of an angel.

I wanna be drunk when I wake up

On the right side of the wrong bed

And never an excuse I made up

Tell you the truth I hate

What didn't kill me

It never made me stronger at all.

Love will scar your make-up lip sticks to me

So now I'll maybe lean back there

I'm sat here wishing I was sober

I know I'll never hold you like I used to.

But our house gets cold when you cut the heating

Without you to hold I'll be freezing

Can't rely on my heart to beat in

'Cause you take parts of it every evening

Take words out of my mouth just from breathing

Replace with phrases like when you're leaving me.

Should I, should I?

Maybe I'll get drunk again

I'll be drunk again

I'll be drunk again

To feel a little love

I wanna hold your heart in both hands

Not watch it fizzle at the bottom of a Coke can

And I've got no plans for the weekend

So should we speak then

Keep it between friends

Though I know you'll never love me like you used to.

There maybe other people like us

Who see the flicker of the clipper when they light up

Flames just create us, burns don't heal like before

You don't hold me anymore.

On cold days cold play's out like the band's name

I know I can't heal things with a hand shake

You know I can't change as I began saying

You cut me wide open like landscape

Open bottles of beer but never champagne

To applaud you with the sound that my hands make.

Should I, should I?

Maybe I'll get drunk again

I'll be drunk again

I'll be drunk again

To feel a little love.

All by myself

I'm here again

All by myself

You know I'll never change

All by myself

All by myself

I'm just drunk again

I'll be drunk again

I'll be drunk again

To feel a little love.

"Did you write that?" I asked with amazement, as we walked out of the studio, down the hallway.

"Yeah" he says. He was amazing. "So where are you from?" I ask. I wanted to get to know him. He seemed almost magical. Like a unicorn. "Halifax, West Yorkshire" he told me. So he was from the U.K. Just like One Direction. "Cool. One of my best friends is from Mullingar, Ireland. I'm from Beverly Hills, California" I tell him. I walked to the boy rooms with him. I wanted to stop by and see Niall. Ed's room was on the same hallway. Who did he share a bathroom with? Josh Ashford. My ex. I felt bad for Ed. Josh is a bitch. I told Ed bye and walked over to Niall's room. I like most of Niall's roommates. There was Olly Murs. Very fun guy. He's a singer. Then the other two were Liam and Zayn. With Louis and Harry across the hall. I knock on Niall's door.

"Whose there?"

"Me"

"Me who?"

"Lily, dummy. You know your best friend since age 12!"

We go through this almost every time I knock. I think he finds it funny. I just find it damn annoying. "So I met the new guy." I say walking in. Niall was eating chips while laying on his bed. He's never not eating. If he ever gets a personal chef he's gonna need an entire team of them in order to keep him full.

"What was he like?"

"Very very talented. He's from the U.K. He has ginger hair and is is about our age. Plus he lives a few rooms down." I tell him.

"cool."

Suddenly I felt hungry. Stupid cravings. But I loved my little boo. I decided to call her that until I named her.

"Give me some of those" I say laying down next to him. As we ate he randomly sang "Na". I sang "Na" one note higher. We ended up singing "Na na na" over and over again. "Niall what are you doing?" I heard Liam call from the bathroom.

"Eating!" Niall called back.

"Well shut the hell up! I'm trying to sleep!"

"Don't scar Lily with your vile language."

I couldn't help laughing. I swear all the time. I can't help it. I have bad influences. Niall swears a lot and says it's because he's Irish. Everyone thought I would be a good girl like sweet little Ty. But instead I picked up on the vile language of my other best friend. I looked at the time. 10 pm. I should go. "Bye Niall, see you tomorrow!" I say leaving.

I got back to my room, I heard 2 people talking. I have a terrible habit of eavesdropping. "Ty please! I love her! Tell me why she doesn't want me back." Zayn begged Ty.

"Well you dumped her, which broke her heart."

"I did it so that she wouldn't get hurt"

"Well she did"

"I told her I was sorry."

"You still messed up"

"I know"

There was a silence. I wondered if they knew I was listening. Most likly not. This was a habbit that not even Ty knew I had.

"Do you really love her?"

"More than anything in the world"

"good. You'll need it later. Now go she's gonna be back soon."

At that point I needed to my my presence know.

"Hey Josie! I met the new guy!" I called.

"Cool I wanna hear all about it!" Josie calls back. Soon all the girls, even Lucy were in my room. I told them all about the guy, who we later nicknamed the Ginger Genius.


	22. Chapter 22

"So what's up with you and Zayn? On second you guys are friends the next your ready to cut this throat out." Ed asked as we sat in the studio, writing a song. I had introduced him to all of my friends. Lucy and the boys loved him and the others like him well enough. Ever since my incedent with Zayn a few days ago, he have been walking a fine line. I tried to be civil, but it's almost impossible the way he acts. Either I want to kiss him or slap him. Maybe it's the baby. I had yet to tell anyone of my plans. I had mostly made up my mind.

"It's a very very long story."

"We have plenty of time"

"Long story short, he and I kinda were dating. But he dumped me. Now he wants me back. But I moved on. Gosh so much drama!"

"That's deep." I started laughing. I had barely begun to give any detail to the tale. There was just to much to say. No body was aware that I really wasn't over Zayn. I still cried myself to sleep, when the pain got really bad. Ty would always come in and ask me what was wrong, but I would never tell her anything. She's smart so she probably figured it out already. "We should start working. We have a performance tonight" I say. We get to work with our song and it sounds really good. I was glad to have met him. Ed was unlike anyone I have ever met before.

"Welcome everyone to the holiday concert!" Ms. Powell tells the crowd. "First up, One of my personal favorite, Lily Porter! With new student Ed Sheeran!" the crowd cheers. I've become a favorite at the school concerts. I just have that pop star kind of feel about me. We were gonna preform the song we wrote earlier today. We named it Everything has changed. He starts to play his guitar. He really was a boy of many talents.

[Lily]

All I knew this morning when I woke

Is I know something now, know something now I didn't before

And all I've seen since eighteen hours ago

Is green eyes and freckles and your smile

In the back of my mind making me feel like

I just wanna know you better know you better know you better now

I just wanna know you better know you better know you better now

I just wanna know you better know you better know you better now

I just wanna know you know you know you

'Cause all I know is we said "Hello"

And your eyes look like coming home

All I know is a simple name

Everything has changed

All I know is you held the door

You'll be mine and I'll be yours

All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

[Ed]

And all my walls stood tall painted blue

And I'll take them down, take them down and open up the door for you

[Lily]

And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies

The beautiful kind, making up for lost time,

Taking flight, making me feel like

I just wanna know you better know you better know you better now

I just wanna know you better know you better know you better now

I just wanna know you better know you better know you better now

I just wanna know you know you know you

'Cause all I know is we said "Hello"

And your eyes look like coming home

All I know is a simple name

Everything has changed

All I know is you held the door

You'll be mine and I'll be yours

All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

Come back and tell me why

I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time, oh, oh, oh

And meet me there tonight

And let me know that it's not all in my mind

[Lily]

I just wanna know you better know you better know you better now

I just wanna know you know you know you

[Both]

'Cause all I know is we said "Hello"

And your eyes look like coming home

All I know is a simple name

Everything has changed

All I know is you held the door

You'll be mine and I'll be yours

All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

All I know is we said "Hello"

So dust off your highest hopes

All I know is pouring rain and everything has changed

All I know is the new found grace

All my days I know your face

All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

Yesterday was fantastic. I met Ed Sheeran, who I was sure would be insanely famous one day. The crowd loved us. This was a smaller concert, so I was done for the night. I went into the crowd and found Ty.

"Great job tonight! That's was a really pretty song."

"Thanks Ty. You weren't such a bad crowd yourselves." I say with a laugh.

"Now, The Wanted!" Ms. Powell announces. Ty nudges me with a smile as my boyfriend and his band come onto the stage. I couldn't help but blush, when Nathan dedicated the song. "This one's for my beautiful girlfriend, Lily Porter." he told the crowd. The crowd screamed with excitement. Nobody really knew we were dating. Not even any of the boys. Only the girls knew who I was dating. They started singing.

Nathan:

She wants me to come over I can tell, her eyes don't lie

She's calling me in the dark

She moves, I swear the room around her lights up like the sky

Confidence like a rock star

Max:

I wanna put my hands on her hands feel the heat from her skin

Get reckless in the star light

I'm movin to the beat of her heart I was so lost until tonight

Tonight

All:

I found you in my darkest hour

I found you in the pourin rain

I found you when I was on my knees

And your light brought me back again

Found you in a river of pure emotion

I found you my only truth

I found you and the music playing

I was lost, till I found you, you, you

I found you, you, you

Tom:

The night is getting older and I can't come off this high

I don't want this here to end

Siva:

I know she feels the same cause I can see it in her eyes

She says can we start again

Max:

I wanna put my hands on her hands feel the heat from her skin

Get reckless in the star light

Nathan:

She's movin to the beat of my heart we were so lost until tonight

Tonight

All:

I found you in my darkest hour

I found you in the pourin rain

I found you when I was on my knees

And your light brought me back again

Found you in a river of pure emotion

I found you my only truth

I found you and the music playing

I was lost, till I found you, you, you

I found you, you, you

Nathan:

I said people, we're all lookin for love tonight

Sometimes we can't see it, we're all blinded by the light

And we all get low, all get low

Searchin for the piece of mind

Just when I'd given up, lookin for some kinda sign

All:

I found you, you, you

I found you, you, you

I found you, you, you

I found you, you, you

I found you in my darkest hour

I found you in the pourin rain

I found you when I was on my knees

And your light brought me back again

Found you in a river of pure emotion

I found you my only truth

I found you and the music playing

I was lost, till I found you

"Your really lucky to have such a sweet boyfriend" Josie tells me with a smile.

"Yeah, he's nice." I says blushing.

"Lily's blushing! I haven't seen you do that in a while" Darcy says showing up.

"Give it up for One Direction!"

The boys make there way on stage. Zayn was visibly upset. Oh yeah. He just found out my boyfriend was his enemy. I really felt bad I hadn't told them. But they would have been more updet. The boys song was definitely a come back at the song before them.

[Liam]

Lately I found myself thinking (thinking)

Been dreaming about you a lot (a lot)

And up in my head I'm you're boyfriend (boyfriend)

But that's one thing you've already got

[Harry]

He drives to school every morning (morning)

While I walk alone in the rain (the rain)

He'd kill me without any warning (warning)

If he took a look in my brain

[Zayn]

Would he say he's in L-O-V-E?

Well if it was me, then I would (I would)

Would he hold you when you're feeling low?

Baby, you should know that I would (I would)

[All]

Would he says that he's in L-O-V-E?

Well if it was me, then I would (I would)

Would he hold you when you're feeling low?

Baby, you should know that I would

[Niall]

Back in my head we were kissin'

I thought things where going alright (alright, alright, alright)

With a sign on my back saying 'Kick Me'

Reality ruined my life

[Louis]

It feels like I'm constantly playin'

A game that I'm destined to lose

'Cause I can't compete with your boyfriend

He's got twenty-seven tattoos

[Zayn]

Would he say he's in L-O-V-E?

Well if it was me, then I would (I would)

Would he hold you when you're feeling low?

Baby, you should know that I would

[All]

Would he say that he's in L-O-V-E?

Well if it was me, I would (I would)

Would he hold you when you're feeling low?

Baby, you should know that I would

(I would, I would)

[Louis and Zayn]

Would he please you?

Would he kiss you?

Would he treat you?

Like I would (I would)

Would he touch you?

Would he need you?

Would he love you?

Like I would

[Harry]

Would he say he's in L-O-V-E?

Well if it was me, then I would

Would he hold you when you're feeling low?

Baby, you should know that I would

[Louis and Zayn]

Would he please you?

Would he kiss you?

Would he treat you?

Like I would (I would)

Would he touch you?

Would he need you?

Would he love you?

Like I would

[All]

Would he say he's in L-O-V-E?

Well if it was me, then I would (I would)

Would he hold you when you're feeling low?

Baby you should know that I would

(I would, I would)

I could tell Zayn picked the song. He gave it so much emotion. I glanced over at Ty to see that Liam was next to her. They were laughing together. It was so nice to she her happy again. I was so lost in thought I didn't even realize he was next to me. "Can't we at least be friends?" Zayn ask.

"Yeah. Friends works." I tell him. "Friends tell each other things, right?" I asked. I wasn't even thinking about what I was saying it was just kinda slipping out.

"Yeah. They do."

"I'm pregnant"

He looked crushed. He his pain changed to anger.

"What? You having a baby? I hope you two are happy together! I don't want to hear about his baby. It's gonna be a demon just like him" he yells storming off. That was the cruelest thing anyone had ever said to me. He thought Nathan was the father. But instead he had insulted his own child. My little Boo. I felt tears start to stream down my cheeks. I ran back to my room before anyone could see my pain.

I laid down on my bed and cried for about an hour. I heard the noise of Ty entering her room. I was about to walk in and seek her comfort when I heard voices.

"Lily told me she was pregnant. Which messed up my entire plan. She can't be with me, because she's now tied to him." Zayn tells Ty.

"Zayn what are you talking about? How does that mess up anything?"

"She's pregnant. You know that right?"

"Of course. But doesn't it make it easier for you?"

"How?"

"You're having a baby together." she explains.

"oh my god. I assumed it was Nathan's. I'm such an ass." Nice going Ty. I wasn't ever gonna tell him the truth after what he said to me. But I guess Ty had it blown that.

"What did you do?" she asks sounding concerned.

"I called the baby a demon" he admits sheepishly.

"You called her Boo a demon?! She is never gonna forgive you. She's in love with it, although she won't admit it. Niall, Lucy and Josie know, too. Don't tell anyone else. You go to bed. I'm gonna go check on her." Ty says. I quickly act asleep. She comes in and make sure I'm asleep and well. She and Josie have become so overprotective of me. But it's really sweet. After she left, only one person was on my mind. Zayn.


	23. Chapter 23

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!" Ty sang as we were packing our bags. My mother had decided to invite everyone to our mansion for the holidays. Even the boys. No one has been to my house except Ty and Niall. Nobody but them knew of my family's fortune. I told no one about just how rich I was because I didn't wanna be treated differently. I'd rather be loved for me, than my money. Nobody, but Ty and Niall knew I was a multimillionaire. My family was the richest on the west coast. Believe me that makes it so hard to make real friends. Every adult who knew treated me like royalty. But I hadn't earned it. I had known Ty since, well as long as I can remember. I do remember meeting her though. It's one of the first memories I have. Two little girls in preschool, both very afraid, had sat together. I remember just how she looked. Little girl with brown curls that fell down her back. I was always so jealous of her curls. I always thought my straight hair was plain and boring. Now I love my hair. "Ty do you remember when we were little?" I ask. Ty and I had gone throw everything together. She was there before my little sister Clove was born.  
"Yeah. We were nothing but trouble."  
I had to laugh at that. It was very true. I would talk her into doing insane things. Max always said that I could get anyone to do anything. I miss Max. He has been my families butler since before I was born. He and I always been close. He was is upset when my parents sent me away. Suddenly, the noise of my phone beeping, pulled me out pf my thoughts. It was a call from Clove.  
"Hello?"  
"You're coming home?!" She asks with fear instead of excitement. Something is wrong. She didn't really sound like my sister. My sister was generally a happy person. But now she sounded terrified.  
"Yeah. We get in tomorrow night. Clove, tell me the truth what is wrong?"  
"Um. Nothing..."  
"Don't lie to me. It's that Leer girl isn't it. She's bullying you again isn't she! I'm going to talk to her brother tonight! And I'm gonna get that girl. Niall and I will set her straight."  
"Lily please don't get involved. It's not that bad."  
"Clove, I love you and I don't want anyone to hurt you. I've been going though a lot lately, so I guess I did start to go overboard. I just have to overprotective. You could say its becoming more of my nature."  
"Why. What's been happening?"  
"I can't really tell you over the phone, people are around. Tell you what, once I'm back we will go out to lunch and talk about it, ok?"  
"Ok. I really miss you though. I have to go. Love you, bye."  
she hung up before I could tell her I loved her. I'm sure the eleven year old had something to do. I was still very worried. She seemed skittish. Carmen Leer had been bullying Clove for as long as I could remember. The Leers are my families neighbors. Mike Leer, Carmen's older brother was my friend when we were little. I'm just not close to him anymore. He goes to Pinewood, as an actor. He is one of Ed's roommates. Mike is the only nice one in that entire family. All of the Leers are stuck up. Carmen was one of the worst. Picking on my little sister. I hate her so much.  
"LILY AVERY PORTER! Answer me!" Ty yells making me jump a 3 feet in the air. i must have tuned out.  
"What?! Sorry I'm just really worried about Clove. And don't use my middle name!"  
"Don't do that. It scares me. I was only asking, when you were gonna tell your parents about Boo. What's up with Clo?"  
"Carmen. And i'm not really sure when I'll tell. Gosh I hate that girl."  
"Carmen again? I thought you put an end to her bullying, like a year ago."  
"So did I. Changing the topic, I really need to get something off my chest." I didn't know where this was coming from. Again it was just slipping out, like with Zayn a few days ago.  
"What's up?" Ty asks. Well here goes nothing.  
"You tell me a secret first" I say starting to get scared. What if she slapped me for being stupid? She frowned and tried to think of something.  
"Well... I think Liam likes me."  
"No DUR! I've known that for like weeks. He's always near you and half the time you don't even notice! Now the question is do you like him" I ask turning back into the gossip hungry girl I used to be.  
"Um... Maybe..." She says. I knew it! She did. Her tone said it all.  
"OMG! OMG! OMG! I predict 2 or 3 kids. Both as beautiful as the parents! I want to be a bridesmaid!" I say just to annoy her. i said it a bit loud, just for added effect.  
"LILY! quit it!" she says through gritted teeth. I laugh, but stop when I realize its my turn.  
"I'm not as in love with Nathan as it seems, and for that I hate myself. The one that I love is not good for me. Not good for my baby." I confess feeling defeated.  
"How could you still love him. He HURT you. He hasn't exactly been doing a good job making you feel better. I can't say i'm shocked. I already, knew deep down that you weren't over him. I don't really see how you could be. Not with the baby here. What are you gonna do." She asks.  
"Ty, I really just don't know."


	24. Chapter 24

"Lily are you sure there's enough space for all of us? We don't want to crowd your house." Liam asked sounding concerned. House? No I have a mansion. We have 20 guest bedrooms. Plenty of room for 11 teens. But they didn't know that. We we're all on the way to the airport. Well, I think its time I let them in on my little secret.

"I'm sure. Actualy there's somthing I need to tell all of you." I say. Everyone looks at me with interest. "My family, well has a lot of money. I mean a lot of money. I don't tell anyone because, I want people to like me for me and not my money." Everyone nods their heads in agreement. They were cool about it now, but when they saw Porter Manor they would understand. Yeah we are so rich our house has a name. My grandparents had the house built. They were both botanists, so there are large greenhouses outside. Both my parents are bussniss people. I just realized a patern. Each couple had the same occupation. I had unintentionally continued the patern. Both of Boo's parents are singers. No matter if he is involved in her life or not he is still the biological father. I can't change that. I was so lost in thought I only just noticed we had arrived. We all got out and checked in for our flight.

"Now boarding first class to Beverly Hills California" the voice says as we arrive. My mother had paid for everything so of course we were first class. I sat with Josie and Ty. Lucy sat with Niall and Ed, Darcy with Harry, Liam with Zayn and Louis. It was late so I decided to take a nap.

I had a dream completely made of memories. The first one was back from when I was 8.

"Please Lily! Please sing!" Ty begged me. She loved listening to me sing even back then.

"Yaw liwly, pleawe swing" Little Clove joined in. She had been 2 at the time and still had trouble talking. After a few more minutes of them begging I gave in.

"Fine. What should I sing?"

"YAY! The Delilah one." They tell me with joy.

"Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away But girl, tonight you look so pretty. Yes you do. Times Square can't shine as bright as you. I swear its true." I sang. When I was done Ty had told me "You're gonna be a Pop star lily!" Then the dream shifted to another memory. It was one of Ty and I playing in one of the greenhouses, pretending it was the jungle. As we played we talked.

"I don't want to get married! Boys are gross." Ty said.

"I'm gonna marry a prince and have lots of children and puppies!" I told her. The memory reminded me of how different we were.

"Can I live in your castle?"

"Sure your my best friend!"

"We'll always be best friends, right lily?"

"Always"

Then somebody woke me up. I missed being little. There was so much drama now, that I wished for the world to be simple like it used to be. I looked out the plane window to see that we were here. Beverly Hills, California. My home. I have the Cali girl looks, blonde hair, light tan skin. Nobody ever realizes that Ty is from California, too. "Ty were home!" I tell her.

"Yeah. Is John coming?" She asks. John is my limo driver.

"Yep. Wait till we see the looks on everyone's faces." I say with a laugh. They had no clue just how much money we were talking about. We got off the plane and got our bags. It was really late so it wasn't crowded. We quickly found John. I was right. The looks on their faces were priceless as they saw the limo. Niall, Ty and I got in like it was no big deal, but the others stopped and stared at it. It was hilarious! After we all got in. We chatted the entire short car ride. A lot of gasps and "oh my god"s when the house came into view.

"You weren't kidding when you said lots of money" Zayn says shocked. We all enter the large front doors and were greeted by Max. Ty and I hugged him. He's a sweet old man. He then showed all of them to their rooms. Ty has a room of her own next to mine. She always sleeps there. I made my way to my room and climbed into my bed, not even bothering to change. I drifted off thinking about how happy I was to see Clove tomorrow.


	25. Chapter 25

I woke with the sun. I had forgotten to close the curtains so the sun shined directly on my face. I left my bed and went to the doors leading to the balcony. When I open them a blast is cool air made me shiver. I stepped out on the balcony. It was a pretty day with lots of sunshine. I gave down to see my pool and the too large greenhouses. It was weird it back in California. I was so use to being at Pinewood. I remembered I was going to lunch with close. I ran back inside and got dressed. Then I went to the bathroom to do my hair and makeup. It was weird to have a bathroom of my own. I was so used to sharing it with 3 other girls. I looked at my clock to realize it was only 7:30 am. Nobody else gets up to eight. I decided to go though my room. On the walls were paintings by Ty. On my dresser there were pictures. 1 was all 5 girls, another was off all the Niall and I. Niall has been to my house once before. My mother adores him. She told me she wanted me to marry him, while he was in the room. Ty was there had died laughing. I was mortified. Niall has always been my best friend, nothing more. Suddenly, I heard a knock on my door.  
"Come in" I call. In walks Ty and Josie, followed by Darcy and Lucy. Everyone but Ty was amazed by my room.  
"I thought the guest bedrooms were fancy." Darcy says motioning to my large bed, which had my name carved into the head board.  
"Holy crap!" Lucy calls from my closet. I have the worlds largest closet. Its bigger than my room. Fully stocked with designer clothing. I caught glance of myself in the mirror and I yelped at my appearance.

"Lily, what's wrong?" Josie asks as she jumps to my side.

"I look fat!" I whine. It was true. I was starting to show.

"You're not fat. Its just the baby and you're barely showing." Lucy tells me.

"Wait what baby?" Darcy asks sounding confused. Whoops. We forgot to tell her.

"I'm gonna pass the ball to Josie." I say running over to Ty. Josie told Darcy everything. Even who the father was. Darcy didn't seem that mad we forgot to tell her. In fact she seemed excited. I had recently told the girls I was gonna keep the baby. Raise it myself. A sudden knock on the door made me jump.

"Girls, Breakfast is ready."

"Thanks Max." I tell him as I get up. We all go down to breakfast. The boys got there at the same time we did. My mother, Linda was already at the head of the table. My father never eats breakfast with us. Everyone introduced themselves to my mother. She still eyed Niall with interest. She loves playing matchmaker. Believe me, we are all doing fine without her help. Halfway into the meal, I noticed Clove still hadn't showed up.

"Mom, where's Clove?"

"She doesn't generally come to breakfast. She has been keeping to herself a lot lately." Clove is a very social girl. She was worse than I thought.

"But she knows that we came in last night. I'm gonna go check on her" I say as I get up from the table. As I made my way up the stairs I heard my mother start to talk, probably something embarrassing, but I didn't care, my sister is my main priority. I walked over to her door and knocked twice. No answer.

"Clove, it me. I'm home. Wake up!" I say knocking again. Still no answer. I twisted the knob to find it was unlocked. The first thing I saw as I opened the door was a tiny plastic bag of a yellow rocky substance. I knew it was a drug of some kind. What had Clove gotten herself into? I turned towards her bed and let out a blood curdling scream at the sight before me. There was a belt tied to the top of her canopy bed, the other end was around my sister's neck. She was hanging from her bed. Dead. No. No! No! This wasn't happening. This was just a dream. I was too shocked to scream for help. Tears started to stream down my face. Before I knew it was was sobbing. Suddenly I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. I didn't even look to see who it was. I just continue my crying.

"No. No. This isn't real." I sob as the person pulls me into an tight hug. The person turns me so I cant see the body anymore. I hug the person as if they were gonna slip away from me. There were no words that described how severe my pain was. I wanted to be dead, too. It just couldn't be real. I feel my knees get weak. The person sat us down and he, it was defiantly a he, held me while I cried. I could see anything through my tears.

"It's gonna be alright, Lily. I'm here now." the familiar tells me. I couldn't put my finger on who it was, but their voice made me feel safe. Almost like things were gonna be ok. But they weren't. My precious, sweet 10 year old sister was dead. Gone forever. I heard a scream behind us.

"Ty, breath and call 911. Then go get help. She's traumatized. Scared out of her mind. Hurry!" he told the source of the scream.

"Are you sure you can handle her, Zayn? Forget that. I'm getting help. Poor little Clove, she was like a little sister to me." Ty says as she runs out of the room. Zayn. He was holding me. If it were any other circumstance, I would never let him get so close to me, but right now I didn't care. My mind was still stuck on my sister. Soon there were the sounds of sirens outside. Zayn picked me up and carried me out of the room with ease. Before I knew it was in a ambulance going to the hospital. I didn't even feel like I was in my body. Everything was happening so fast. All of a sudden I fainted. I remember Ty freaking out right before I closed me eyes.

When I woke up I was in a hospital bed, hooked up to some machines. I wondered why I was here, but then I remembered. Clove. The tears started again. I looked around to see wasn't the only one crying. My mother and Ty were crying too. My father sat there in disbelief. All the others looked grim. Niall had tears in his eyes. He and Ty had known Clove. Ty was there when Clove was born. We played with Clove all of our lives. Now she was gone. She did it to herself. She had killed herself. Why? All my thoughts just brought me more tears. The doctor walked into the room.

"Ms. Porter," he said turning to me "You will suffer from post traumatic stress, but I shouldn't effect your baby."

My father dropped his phone, my mother started to choke on her tears. All of boys, except Niall and Zayn, seemed shocked. There went my secret. They would all have to know sometime.

"What on earth are you talking about?" My father demands.

"Your daughter is about 3 months pregnant." the doctor tells him. All eyes go on me. I stare at the floor. I was in trouble now.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: This chapter contains mature language. Just an FYI. Also happy new year! **

"Leave the room." My father told the others forcefully. The Louis, Liam and harry left quickly, followed by Lucy and Darcy.

"Get out!" My father yelled at the remaining teens, as they were still there, not wanting to leave my side. He glares them, his eyes full of burning hatred. He has never liked Ty, so he stared directly into her eyes, trying to scare her. Ty, who wasn't afraid of him, stared straight back at him. After a what seemed like an hour, Ty got up and left, with all of the others right behind her. My mother stayed. I knew all of the others were outside, listening, waiting to intervene if necessary. My father was a very aggressive man, who loved to drink, a lot. I began to shake, terrified of what might come next. I knew my mother was afraid, too. She's the opposite of dad. She's a small, gentle woman, crazy at times, but she would never hurt me. How could two people so unalike fall in love? They didn't. It was an arranged marriage. Yes, those still do happen, often in fact. Mom was 18 when they got married. She had such a terrible time with him she buried herself in her work. Which also meant she never spent much time with Clove or me.

"You're Pregnant?!" He demanded to know. All I could do was nod, terrified to speak.

"Answer me, you bitch!" He screamed. I knew everyone could hear what he was saying. My father had definitely been drinking today. He generally wasn't so brutal at first. I was so scared it took me a second to find my voice.

"Yes" I said in a tiny voice, that barley sounded like my own. My mother started to cry again. Before I could react, an object flew towards my face. SMACK! He had slapped me. I could taste blood, as I sucked on my bottom lip. I sat there in shock, my hand on the spot he had hit me. He hadn't hit me in a long time, and never that hard. He had to be drunk. Once again tears filled my eyes.

"I knew you'd be the slut of the family." he yelled with no regret for what he had just done. "Come on, Linda. Both of our daughters died today."

That crossed the line. This had nothing to do with Clove. She shouldn't have even be referenced. My mother began to sob as she got up and followed my father out. I just laid in the hospital bed and let the tears stream down. My busted bottom lip was still bleeding.

"He's the reason you stay at Pinewood year round, isn't he?" the voice makes me jump. It was Josie.

"Yeah. For the most part." I whisper. She sits down next to me and hands me a tissue. I noticed that all the others were gone. Josie read my mind before I could ask.

"Zayn attempted to punch your dad. Liam and Niall held him back. They are all heading back to the house now. Louis, Harry and Liam are having a hard time comprehending all of this. Ty's gonna explain, but not tell about the dad. That's your secret to keep." She explains. I felt sad and hurt. My heart felt nothing but emptiness. Two months ago, I had lost the love of my life. This morning I lost my sister and now my father. I really don't know what I did to deserve this. I wanted to be with Clove so badly. But I knew, by taking my own life I would also take the life of my baby. My baby. The one person born to love me. The only love I had left.

Josie led me to my jeep. Somehow my beloved blue jeep was here. I climbed in the drivers seat and drove the painfuly familiar road home. Josie sat next to me, her eyes full of worry. Barely a word was spoken the entire ride. Once we got back to the house, we parted ways, each to our own rooms. I lay down on my bed and did what I was dying to do. I sobbed. Laying face down my head buried in a pillow. Suddenly I felt a hand on my back. The touch brought me instant comfort.

"Everything is going to be ok soon. Just know we are all here for you. I'm here for you." The familiar voice says, the way only he can. I couldn't look to see who it was, I didn't want to ruin the moment. Plus I already knew who it was. Zayn. The last person I wanted to see, but also the person I secretly wanted the most. I decide to take a risk. I hugged him. He was shocked that I was being so nice to him after weeks of me giving him a cold shoulder. Right now I just needed to have someone hold me. Someone to take the pain away.

Soon my eyes were closed. I was half asleep, when he laid me down. As he tucked me into my bed, thinking I was fast asleep the confessed.

"I love you. I know you love me too, to matter how hard you try to act like you hate me. I'm not giving up on you. I will keep fighting for you. For our baby." He says Kissing me on the forehead. He turned off my light as he walked out. Leaving me alone in the dark with lots to think about. Why did he have to make this so hard.

**A/N: Find Yourself is almost over! Only one more chapter. I may write a sequel. Anyone have name ideas? I'm thinking of calling it like Save yourself or something like that. Comment please!**


	27. Chapter 27 (not the final chapter)

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you can't do anything but stand there and watch helplessly. That's what I was having. It was of my most scary childhood memory. Nobody knew about it. I never spoke of it again. But now my dreams were bringing it back up. All I could do was watch the memory from outside my own body. Before I get into the dream, let me explain what happened that summer night so long ago.  
I was 9 years old at the time, without a care in the world. I was happy and cheerful. I had just come home after spending the entire day with Ty. For some reason I decided to look for my dad. When I found him I wish I hadn't. He was sitting in his office. There were at least 3 empty glass bottles on this desk, a fourth in his hands. I've blocked out the memory too much to remember the conversation we had, I remember it made him very angry. He lost his temper and threw one of the bottles at me. It shattered when it hit me on the back. I was wearing a tank top so it cut my bare flesh. I ran to my room sobbing. The pain was very severe, but it still took half an hour for Max to convince me to leave room. He took me to the hospital, where they removed the glass. But one piece was too lodged in my shoulder to remove. Because of that one tiny piece, I have a scar on my left shoulder blade. Nobody ever knew about that night. Not even Ty knows about my scar. I avoid changing informer of the others at all costs. They have always thought I was just very shy. I just didn't want them to see the scar. The emotional scar it left was even worse. It took a week before I could even be in the same room as my father without having a nervous breakdown. He tried to apologize. He said he'd never drink again. After 6 months I forgave him, believing he'd never drink again. He lied.  
Back to my nightmare. The memory replied over in my dream. Except this time it wasn't me getting hurt. It was Clove. I tried to scream for help, but like in most nightmares, I couldn't make a sound. I watches in agony as I watched her fall on the floor. The scene shifted. Now we were in a field. Clove was standing unharmed. I smiled, but then stopped when I saw the girl coming towards us. Carmen. She went over to my sister and began to pick on her.  
"Well if it isn't Little baby Porter. Where's your big sister now? Is she not here to protect you?" Carmen said in a tone you would use with a toddler. Clove was always the smallest in her class and Carmen took advantage of that. I wanted to smack the little bitch, but again I was frozen. Before I knew it my dream changed from bad to worse. Carmen had a broken glass. She provided to cut tiny Clove's back. It was my worst nightmare. I tried to scream and run over to help her but I couldn't. That's when I woke up.  
I awoke screaming and covered in sweat.  
"Lily it's ok. She can't be hurt anymore. She's in a better place now." A gentle voice said trying to to soothe me. It was Ty. I hug her. She was the only sister I had left.  
"It seemed so real. She was there. She was being hurt." I cry onto her shoulder.  
"I know. But it's ok now. No one is being hurt" she comforts. I look up to see we weren't alone. Standing around my room in the dim light were, Josie and Darcy, both in their pajamas, Niall and Zayn, who were both shirtless and Harry, who wore nothing but his underwear. I was half he was wearing that much. He had a terrible habit of wearing nothing at all. Zayn was looking as hot as ever. Gotta admit, he does wake up fabulous. Niall looked hungry. Josie looked very worried and Darcy looked annoyed tone up so late. Why they were all in my room, I wanted to know.  
"Not to be a grouch, but what the hell are all of you doing in my room at... 3 am in the morning?" I was asking looking at my clock.  
"Lily, you've been screaming for the past hour. We got worried and came to check on you." Niall explained.  
"What did I scream?" I ask.  
"Mostly, 'don't hurt her' or 'Clove' you were pretty spooked. You started thrashing around. You really had us worried. Wanna talk about it?" Josie says with her voice full of concern.  
"No. It's just. I guess it's because the funeral is today. I'm ok now. You guys go back to bed" I tell them pretending it was nothing. The truth was I was terrified. They all believed me and filled out the door. Just before Ty left, I stopped her.  
"Ty can you stay?" I asked sweetly.  
"Of course. You're having a rough time. Sometimes it helps if you tell someone your dream." She says climbing into the other side of the large bed.  
"It was a memory dream. But an altered memory. It turned my nightmare into Clove's." I tell her.  
"Lil, what are you talking about? What nightmare?"  
"Don't want to talk about it. It was about her getting hurt by Carmen mainly. That's all I want to say about the dream." I say trying to change the topic. The dream still scared me. I was almost shaking with fear.  
"Ok. You don't have to talk about it. What would make you feel better?"  
"A hug?" I giggle. She hugs me. It helped but not the way I was expecting it too. It wasn't the same as Zayn giving me a hug.  
"Better?"  
"Not really. It's just not the same as a hug from a guy." I confess.  
"A certain guy?"  
"Maybe... Yeah. But that won't happen. I get the second best thing in the morning." I say sadly. In the morning guest for the funeral were arriving. Olly, Josh D. and The Wanted were coming. As well as all of my Leers, to my disgust and my old mentor, Lana. Hugs from my boyfriend would make me feel a bit better. I had told him about the baby. He knew it wasn't his. He still wanted to be with me. At least I hadn't lost him. Lana and I go way back. At age 13 every pinewood Student is assigned a mentor, right after they are given their major talent. Mine was named Lana Del Rey. She graduated Pinewood and has an album out now, Born to die, but she and I were very close. She's older than me and has always helped me. I miss her. She moved to L.A. So I barely see her anymore. She knew my sister so she was coming too. I suddenly felt calm enough to go to bed. I yawned.  
"I'm tired. Night Ty." I say yawning again.  
"Good night, Lily."


	28. Chapter 28

I awoke again to the sun. I had no more bad dreams once Ty was there to sleep with me. When a child has a nightmare, they go to sleep with their mother. I guess even I needed a mother sometimes. I woke up Ty by simply taping her. My happiness ended when, I remembered what today was. Today was Clove's funeral. The dreaded day where we would have to put the little angel in the ground. The day were it really sinks in. She's not here anymore. She's gone. I started to cry again, but stopped myself. Now was not the time for crying, save the crying for later. I went to go get a shower. I took my time. I didn't sing like usual. But I did take the time to think. To reflect on all the time I had with her. The good, the bad and the ugly. Each moment was priceless. I also thought about what I was gonna say. I planned to speak at her funeral. One last way to honor my sister.

When I got back into my room, I saw that I had people waiting on my bed. Lucy, Darcy, Josie, Ty and Lana. A wave of comfort went through my body. I hug Lana and we start to prepare. We all chatted as we changed into our funeral outfits. Which wasn't fun. I don't like wearing black a lot. I put on my black dress and legings because it was chilly. Josie's dress was beautiful. I let her borrow one of mine that I never wore. It was covered in black lace. Darcy had her own dress. It was black but not exactly funeral appropriate. Lucy had a nice dress. Ty who hates dresses, wore a nice black button up with black slacks. We went to do our hair in the bathroom.

"I know it's off topic, but fill me in on the latest drama! That's what I miss most about being at school." Lana says as she does her makeup.

"Well, Liam has a HUGE crush on our very own little Ty." Lucy says.

"The Payne boy? Wow! I never noticed that earlier." Lana exclaims.

"He's nice..." Ty says blushing.

"Make a move soon Ty! Get him or I will. I mean he's really hot!" Josie says.

"Moving on, Lucy has a boyfriend, she's dating Niall." I say joining in on the gossip.

"You're Niall?"

"The only Niall!"

"Lily has been the busiest of us all. She' on her third relationship this year. She dumped Josh, saw Zayn for a period of time and now she's dating Nathan" Darcy said.

"How did you move from hot Zayn to cute Nathan? I mean there's no compition! Zayn wins all they way." Lana exclaims.

"He dumped me." I say sadly, feeling my heart start to break again.

"Lil, I'm so sorry." She replies realizing how hurtful her words were.

"It's ok. I'm dealing with it."

"Not to be rude but have you gained a few pounds?" Lana asks pointing at my stomach.

"Yeah. She's pregnant." Darcy says causally.

"Oh my! It's his isn't it, baby girl?" Lana says using my nickname from when I was younger. I was small and shy so I was like a baby. Lana got me to come out of my shell a little bit.

"Yeah. It's a really long story." I say not really wanting to explain.

"Thank you for being here." I say as I hug my boyfriend. He and his band had just arrived. The One Direction boys were all glaring at each other. Niall was friends with Siva so no drama with those two, but Zayn was glaring at Max and Nathan. Niall was overjoyed to have Josh here. They were really good friends. We were at the funeral now. I hadn't had the strength to go see my sister yet. It would just bring back awful memories of finding her body. Guests were arriving. A lot of important people were here, as friends of my parents.

"Are those the Clintons?" Ty asks pointing to a family.

"Yeah. My dads friends" I say. She was still shocked. Then a couple caught my eye. Mike Leer walked in with... Perrie Edwards? What? I had to check this out. I walked over to them.

"Hello Mike." I say.

"Hey Lily, I'm so sorry for you loss. Oh and this is my girlfriend, Perrie." He says pointing to the blonde. She didn't glare at me like before, in fact she smiled. Mike went to get something, leaving us in an awkward silence.

"I'm really sorry about the last few months. I was just being overprotective of my boyfriend. You obviously don't like him. You're dating Nathan not him. Could we be friends?" Whoa! I wasn't excepting that. She was actually nice.

"Yeah. It's alright. I had an attitude. Lets be friends." I tell her with a smile.

"I'm really sorry about your sister. She was coming to Pinewood next year wasn't she?" Perrie asks with sadness in her tone.

"She was. It was all she talked about for years." I say feeling tears sting my eyes.

"Lily come on!" Josie calls. It was time. No. It was too soon. I walked over to her and together we entered the main room in the church. In a black coffin at the front was my sister. She looked like a sleeping angel. Her blonde hair was brushed neatly and on her face was a peaceful smile. Her hands were on her chest with flowers. She wore a pretty green dress. I wished she was asleep and would wake up and be here. But I knew that wasn't possible. She was gone. Forever. I was crying now. I had changed my mind I wasn't gonna speak it was just too hard. Ty was though.

They had just lowered her coffin into the ground. It was shut. She was completely gone now. I clung to Nathan and cried till I couldn't anymore. After she was covered I wandered off to an oak tree near by. I needed a second to get my self together. Nathan showed up and hugged me. I noticed everyone watching us from a distance.

"Lily I have been thinking about something for a while now. I know we are young. But..." He got down on one knee. Oh snap. I didn't see that one coming. I knew what came next and I wasn't sure I liked it. I'm seventeen years old for crying out loud!

"Will you marry me?

In my mind the entire world froze like it would in a movie. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't insanely in love with him. But for I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I thought of Zayn. I loved him. But then there was the baby. I knew Nathan was always gonna be there, but I wasn't sure about Zayn. He walked out once. One time to many. Nathan would take care of the baby. I knew my answer. The world unfroze and I responded.

"Yes."

A/N:that's it! Find Yourself is finished! I want to thank you guys for staying here though it all. Thanks for the votes and vote on the chapters if you haven't already. Comment if you want a Sequel. Thanks~ Kayla


	29. Author's note

A/N:

Sorry I haven't started the sequel yet. I planed to this weekend but some issues made me unable to write. To make up for taking forever here's some facts about the next story!

Its gonna be called Save Yourself. Zayn still has a chance. I'm putting in so Haylor drama. (Taylor gets whats coming to her.) the baby is born and named. (If you read Home you already know the name) Also for you Home readers, you will find out just what happened. (Home contains some spoilers) And lots more Drama and Fun! I plan o have at least the Prologue up by tomorrow.

Thanks!

Kayla


	30. Notice

HEY! I posted the first Chapter of Save Yourself! Check it out! I promise to update more than i have lately. I've been sick but I'm all better and ready to write now.

thanks for your support!

Kayla


	31. IMPORTANT

Sorry about the no updates. Save yourself got reported and removed. It made me quite mad. I will try to keep the stories up as long as possible, but i cant promise anything. If you want to keep reading read on my stuff wattpad. i have more work on there and I know for sure it won't be removed. user/magpops I personally think that the rules are a bit unfair. Any kind of Fanfic should be aloud on FANFICTION! thanks Kayla


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